Who is BU, DH or me? Names

[Namedispute]

lighthearted, I guess.

DH and I both have names that can be shortened and regularly are. DH has never gone by his full name but I do.

I recently spoke to a man in a business negotiation who automatically shortened my name. I found it incredibly rude and undermining, as it is fairly normal for those with my name to go by my full name (I’d say 50/50, but my name isn’t super common). However, I felt too awkward to correct him, especially as I needed something from him.

This led to a disagreement with DH. He feels it’s acceptable to initially shorten someone’s name if they haven’t specified that they don’t go by that name.

I personally think you either ask first or go by the name they are introduced by.

For example, if someone was introduced to me as “Andrew”, I would call them that. DH would say “nice to meet you Andy” and if they didn’t like that name, would expect them to correct him. I think that’s rude.

DH regularly shortens peoples name in a more friendly/jokey way which may be part of the reason, e.g, Gary = Gaz (if on friendly terms), Kevin = Kev, Lucy = Luce. However, if someone is Rebecca, he probably would assume Becky or Bex, even if they’re introduced as Rebecca.

DH thinks my approach maybe more on the side of right but overall, people will be split on this / not think it’s as big a deal as I do.

So:

YABU: it’s perfectly fine to call someone by an abbreviation of their name even if they’ve been introduced as their full name / never told you otherwise.

YANBU: it’s not acceptable to assume someone’s name and you either ask if they go by a shortened name/have a preference or just call them their full name.

This will surely be a landslide YANBU. I hate overfamiliar people and shortening someones name that you have just met is overfamiliar and rude

He’s rude and socially inept. You call someone by the name they introduce themselves as/are introduced as - they shouldn’t have to correct you, they’ve already told you their name. You don’t go trying out random shortenings - it’s over familiar and a lot of the time you’ll pick the wrong one anyway. I have a shortenable name and I’d be furious if a man I just met starting calling me the equivalent of Becks if my name was Rebecca. I only ever use the whole name.

You use the name you are introduced to the person as. That’s just good manners.
I generally use my full name at work and the shortened version the rest of the time. In my last job the Head already knew me socially so introduced me to the staff using the short version. Took me ages to get used to it.

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I can’t abide people I have just met being overly familiar- dreadful! Plus some names have multiple shortenings- Elizabeth, Charlotte, Alexander so what then- just a random stab in the dark and hope for the best! Use what they told you they’re called

Jesus. This gives me the ick. My name is my name. It’s what I ask other people to call me. Nobody else gets to choose it for me even if it is a commonly used diminutive.

You use the name you are introduced to the person as. That’s just good manners.
this^
your DH is wrong.