Anxiety when he doesn't reply, is it me or him?

[BrionyM]

Since meeting 8 months ago my boyfriend has always been consistent and reliable with contact, except for a day here or there. This is unlike previous exes who were hot and cold.

He started a new job recently and I've noticed something of a drop off in replies. Usually if one of us messages, the other replies within a few hours max. Lately it can sometimes be 6+ hours. Last time this happened I asked him to call and he did within the hour

Today he hasn't replied in 10 hours which is very unusual. I hate that im upset by it. Especially as he was in touch a lot yesterday.

YABU - it's my issue to sort
YANBU - he has a responsibility to reply in a timely fashion

I always take time out of a very busy day to respond to him, even if it's 5 mins at lunch

Sorry to say but it does sound like your issue, this is coming from someone who would have felt similar to you in the past. But he has started a new job and also at work! I started a new job recently and I barely speak to my DP during the day. It's nothing personal to him, I'm just busy and focussing on work when I'm there. I think it's unfair to ask him to call etc too as it will make him feel he's done something wrong and potentially making him not want to contact you even more.

I'm sorry if my opinion is harsh, I just don't think he's done anything wrong. I think perhaps some counselling would help you understand why you feel that way, insecurity or maybe it's a fear of him leaving or something?

Did you ask him about it? He’s probably busy at work, but ask him and tell him in a non accusing manner that after feeling so secure and safe with him you’re now feeling abit abandoned when he doesn’t answer for such a long time. Maybe he will give you better expectations, like if he tells you that it is gonna be like that because of x y z, you can go about your day and not scare him off by appearing too clingy. What you feel matters, if he’s not able to meet your expectations or you can’t agree what’s mutually suitable there might be a problem.

If he hadn't changed job but suddenly dropped in contact then I would think something was up. The new job however could mean he's way more busy trying to learn the job and doesn't want to make a bad impression by being seen on his phone.
I honestly would advise not sending multiple texts asking why hes not replying though.
Go with the flow and accept hes busy. I'm sure he'll make contact outside of his work hours

It's just a big change in a pattern. Since the relationship began we never go more than 3-6 hours unless a very busy day.

Thanks @Alittlelostinlifeisi - personally if I don't hear by the morning I will be worried because as a couple we never go a day without talking.

ive also had a tough few weeks with a bereavement so mental health not the best admittedly. If he wants space I'd rather he just said that

@Swiftrunner I won't rule out counselling.

If he’s not had a bereavement he might feel like he doesn’t know what to say to you. You’re definitely feeling abandoned and that’s horrible. Sit and wait and listen. He will answer you. Worst thing you could do now is appear too keen. Go get absorbed in your own stuff, can’t have him thinking you are sitting waiting on him. Men need to chase imho

@BrionyM and I don't say that to mean there is anything wrong with you - counselling is just the best thing I've ever done and given me so much self worth that maybe it could help you not feel anxious about situations like this. Sorry you're having a hard time💐