being told I can’t find single mum friends as I’m not in the right social bracket?!

[aiingle]

I’m really low. Single (practically lone) parent to an almost two year old. I don’t know any other single parents, literally none. I’m so alone as nobody really gets it. Someone I thought was a close friend has said it’s because ‘people like us’ don’t usually end up single parents. What the fuck does that even mean? So I’m destined to be alone and never have proper parenting friends? I’m so sick of feeling like nobody gets what I’m coping with and I’d love nothing more than a few girlfriends who would look out for me and vice versa. I’d happily have someone’s child for an afternoon so they could have a hair appointment etc. Will I just never find that? I am so lonely.

Who are these women that supposedly don't end up as single parents?

You need to be proactive. There are lots of groups for single parents, have a Google to find what's in your area and go to some meet-ups/join a friendship app etc.

Your friend is a misguided idiot.

You will have to do the work to find your tribe though x

Oh, that sounds really sad. You're likely to meet lots of new friends at toddler groups, and when your lo starts nursery.

Definitely be proactive, also a difficult age. This sounds harsh but your childs only 2. There will be people in your circles who will become single parents in time. Keep going to toddler groups, the park, when they go to nursrey and school that will also be new people to meet. Facebook groups can also give you some support
good luck. Its not going to be lonely forever xx

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/our-work/support-for-single-parents/

I mean if you're current friendship circle are that stuck up, I'd be looking far wide of those type of people anyway. Plenty of people from all walks of life get divorced and become single parents.

It is hard work to find friends. Keep working on it and don't give up. My kids are in Y6 and I got good friends from school probably in about Y4 so took a loooong time!

Plus, why do you need single parent friends specifically? I have married friends, single friends, friends with and without kids. My biggest help as a single parent is my old school friend who is both single and childless. She's up for anything! Girly weekend away, wild night out, zoo trip with the kids, playing with the kids while I go to an appointment etc.

Does your "friend" mean of a certain income bracket? I would suggest there are many unhappily married couples who stay together for the kids and in any case are mortgaged up to their eyeballs who want to keep up appearances of the 2.4 kids veneer. I bet you there'll be more than a few divorces as the kids get older.

I'm separated and trying to co parent in a very middle class and wealthy area. The single parents here are few and far between. I am working hard to make friends and find my tribe.

I made all my mum friends at groups. I went to free and cheap local ones. They were run by the family center, local schools, library and churches. I found going the first time really scary. It gave me huge anxiety but it gets easier. I have a lovely group of 9 friends. I've know them 5 1/2 years. Just go, be friendly and swap numbers with people. Hopefully, you'll find a few people you like.

I know mum friends from baby groups but none are single. I just want a few nice single mums I can relate to.

Try the Gingerbread groups if there's one near you. But realistically, you might not find single mums who have time to attend these groups if they have more than one child and have been left on their own, if you are single and have three kids, you aren't going to want to swap and take one more!

You want someone like you, that has one child and is single, but that's not as common necessarily as you think, at this stage in the game (it will become more common as you age, as more people get divorced, separated, widowed) and so having friends at all that will take your child or you help them out of any variety, in any family formation, would be a bonus to you.

What does she mean - 'people like us. '

Most of the single mums I know (including me) , are just grateful for some adult conversation, and someone who will share care so she can have a hair cut in peace or to share cover for inset days.

I'd say your friend is mistaken, at the very least.

Where do you live op? I am a member of a London gingerbread group and they meet up a lot (I haven't joined in person yet just the WhatsApp chat) and a man has just slid into my WhatsApp DMs to chat (obviously I'm being very cautious!) but they're busy!

I think what you're saying is you're middle class (like me) and yes it is maybe more unusual to have little kids as a single mum (my fiance left me while pregnant) but by the time the kids are 8-9 loads of these smug married friends of yours will have separated.

I absolutely feel for you in terms of wanting to get together with other single mums. I'm lucky as I know a couple (one was already a friend and one was a colleague) and it does make you feel less alone.

What I get really down about is holidays. Going away on my own with a toddler isn't that fun but it's either friends with big kids and it's expensive school holidays or they only want to do a trip with their husbands or it's child free single friends who don't want to go away with a child. Would be lovely to do a trip with another single mum with a toddler!

@Unexpectedlysinglemum my fiancé also left me when pregnant! It was horrendous. The holiday scenario is so bang on point… that’s exactly how I feel. I try not to even think about holidays as it depresses me too much! But it would be so nice to just chat to other single parents with things in common. How do you join London gingerbread?

What does she mean? Does she mean wealthier people? Plenty of rich people are single parents. Princess Diana was one!

I went on the Website and saw there was a local group for my area so emailed the Paris. That runs it and she added me to the WhatsApp group., (don't want to be too outing and say which area of London I'm in on here but DM me if you like).

PS glad to meet you I do actually feel like the only person in the world whose in my permission so even though your friend is a cow she's right in that it's not that usual as what normal man would propose to someone make a baby with her and then just change his mind!!

Princess Diana is my role model!! Whenever I get sad and down I think of the images of her taking the boys to Alton towers and how much they loved how fun she was and thought I can do that! Xx

Why not post on your local Facebook pages & start a group for single parents? Once you've got a few people interested, you can organise meet ups for coffee or meals or walks? Be proactive, there's probably many other single mums in your area feeling the same way!

I'm in the same position. Where di you live. Maybe we could form a Meet up group.

Where do you live I meant.