4 yo rubbing crotch on things…

[BenHolland]

Our DD has a habit, especially when tired, of lying on top of a cuddly toy and rubbing her crotch on it. When she was smaller she did the same in her high chair.

Does anyone have any experience of this? Should we let it go or try and discourage her? No sure what is a reasonable response!

Its not frequent but it does look like she is humping Rose the Rabbit, so quite disturbing to watch!

Thanks for any help!

😳

DS2 does that when he’s tired. It’s pretty normal, just not something people will talk about/admit much…!

I think it's fairly normal, but you should gently discourage in the way you do for other behaviours that aren't appropriate in public. You don't want her doing it at school for example

I would gently discourage in the same way I would any other ‘bad’ habit.

Well, I'm following, as my dd (now 6) does a very similar thing. You are not alone!

It’s normal for children of that age to pleasure themselves, it is something that they grow out of.

It is perfectly normal and natural. It isn't a "bad" habit - society niceties dictate privacy as they get older. I would try very gentle distraction but not draw attention to it too much - as they get older you can simply advise privacy is appropriate.

Very normal I think. A friends daughter did this A LOT. She used to 'ride' the arm of the sofa as well as her toys and had her hands down her pants more than her brother. (I think it's seen as more common in little boys). She & her DH were quite mortified when they had family & friends over or were out in public!

No tellings off, they just explained it was private and only to do in her bedroom when at home. A few reminders and she got it and eventually it stopped altogether as she got a bit older.

Is it itchy?

Thanks for all the responses! Puts our mind at rest. Not itchy as far as we know. Only on the sofa at the end of a long day. So no issues in public so far!

It's not a bad habit. Lots of kids touch themselves because it feels good.

Tell her it's fine to do, but she should do it in private. When she's in her bedroom or bathroom.

Don't make it a big deal.

Have to be very careful in responding here, even if the op is genuine there are plenty of people who are not.

Id be making sure there’s no medical reason for it, anything from itching to uti or constipation.

No obvious pain or discomfort. If we distract her then she stops and does something else. Hoping its all fairly normal!

I asked my dd, and she just said she likes the feel of it. I said it's fine, but it's private so don't do it at school!

We’ve had this with the occasional little girl at school. They do it on the corners of the chairs.
We subtly stop them and move them.

My friend's little girl did this and she was so worried about it as she used to hump a particular toy and also used to do quite obvious Kegel/clenching exercises continuously when she was about 3/4. My friend brought her to the GP to rule out a UTI etc and then to a child psychologist as the behaviour was becoming worrisome.

Her advice was to gently discourage it but not make a big deal out of it. You said that being tired is normally the antecedent to when she does engage in this behaviour so I'd try and be vigilant about when she is particularly tired and then finding a new way for her to self sooth. It is a habit and while it is perfectly normal for a child to find different ways to explore their bodies, it is definitely not something you want your child doing in a school setting.

My friend's daughter grew out of it incidentally and your little girl will too.

Thanks all! That really helps! Much less worried about it all. Enjoy the weekend!

So totally normal. I just casually say to DD that it’s something we do in private by ourselves.

I would tell her that we only do that in private, might be time to talk about private parts and where it’s appropriate to touch herself, bathroom or bedroom only for example. I know it’s disturbing to watch but it is part of healthy child development just like any other. Don’t shame her as this would be counterproductive.

If she keeps doing it it in public just make her wash hands if she touched her parts or take the particular item away and ask her to do it in private only.

This....our DD did it and I was worried but learnt it's very common. I'm guessing she still does it now (aged 8) but in the privacy of her bedroom!

Not RTFT.

If no medical reason ie she's itchy then it's sensory not sexual, it's very uncomfortable to watch I know! If you can distract her without being obvious and drawing attention to it then that's what I'd do. I'm sure you don't but please don't shame her for it or tell her it's "wrong" as although she's only 4 now, one day she will be a grown woman who deserves to know the pleasure that can be had by touching yourself there.

As she gets older if it continues then at an age appropriate age explain that you are aware it feels nice but it's something that only big grown up girls do (insert your own wording/age that you feel comfortable with so instead of grown up girl, you may prefer teenager/adult) and you feel she's too young and should wait until she is older, however if she does want to continue then she should do it in private in her bedroom

Definitely be careful not to shame her for it. You don’t want to plant the seed that it’s wrong or shameful.

I’d say that’s something we do in private places like our bedroom.

Wait - am I not supposed to be doing that?😳

Oh don’t get me wrong! We would never make an issue out of it. I think the advice to suggest we only do that in our house is excellent. To my knowledge it has been an issue outside here.

Thanks again for all the input. It really helps calm a pair of confused parents!!