To stop facilitating contact for DS and Ex

[User090976543sdg]

Split up 9 months ago, things were OK at first. DS (10) would go and stay at Dad's and went on a couple of weekends away. Wasn't sure on the 50/50 that had been agreed but was going and seeing him.
Since then some incidents have happend were Ex has lost his temper and lied and DS is now saying he doesn't want to go and see him at all without me there.

This was an emotionally abusive relationship for me but obviously haven't gone into that with the kids.

I have been facilitating contact for the last 3 months for him, I will go and meet with him somewhere so they can see each other. I am getting a bit fed up of it as there is no appreciation and Ex has said I am bad mouthing him....

He has made arrangements tomorrow with his family and has asked if I will bring DS. Am I unresonable to draw a line now and say no to facilitating this?

I was going to message his Mum this weekend to go for a walk with DS (which i have done a hamdful of times) but he said I should come to the arrangements they have as a family.

Not sure what to do. I have read court guidelines that they look for parents that encourage and facilitate a relationship with the other parent.

Let him deal with his mum. There's no need for you to get involved. Is there a reason he can't pick his son up on his days?

Yes DS refuses to go with him so Ex has stopped trying to pick him up. DS has lots of aniexty at the thought of going with him.

If DS refuses to go with him then you kind of need to stop contact

DS is 10 so gets a say in general. However for this particular event he would not be alone with his dad. Could another family member take him to the event?

Make sure you’re clear in communication that your aim is for your son to be happy and to help facilitate a relationship with the both of them however you need the effort from his side too.

Events where he won’t just be with his dad but other family members too are a good shout as it’s less intense for them both.

Make it clear to both your son and your ex that you won’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to however if you can grin and bear doing meet ups with them both that’s great as it’s for your son at the end of the day.

Would you son manage if another member of the family took him as it is a group event not 1:1?
am not sure how this is going to play out moving forwards though because you can’t force your son to do anything he doesn’t want to do and you need to be the parent who hears him.

He won't go with his Grandma. I think there have been a couple of things said at these types of events about Dad being sad when he doesn't go...
There have also been messages from Ex sister directly to DS saying how much she misses him and she thought he was with his Dad today.

Imo block his family on ds's phone. Emotional blackmail is disgusting.. Can you shorten the visits? Bet ex will likely say it isn't worth him going at all.... Job done. Yabu to not realise ds will be more than aware his df is an abuser.. Ds is already getting those vibes... Remember his dm really isn't your friend either.

What would be best for your DS?

No fucking chance. You’re still being emotionally abused. Your now expected to go to a family party at the behest of his dad?

I would stop all this nonsense and arrange a contact centre.

I have said no to going today to his family event. He is sending his mum round to try and collect DS to go with her.
DS is very worried and is refusing to go.

Ex has said I am being unresonable in not going and it can't just be about what I want to do.
He has messaged DS saying I asked you and your Mum to come today but she said you are not free. With a question mark and a question face emoji!