Stepdaughter aged 10/11 being left alone

WacCec · 2024-05-31T05:00:01+00:00

My stepdaughter announced that the longest she had been left alone was for 1.5 hours. In this time she was looking after her cousins for the entire time on her own. The cousins are young aged 5 and 3 maybe. I can not help but think this is inappropriate and dangerous. Am I being unreasonable to think this is completely inappropriate? We have two small children and I would never think to leave an 11 year old in charge of them.

Walkthelakes · 31/05/2024 06:02

I leave my Year 6 daughter alone with her 9 year old sister for a couple of hours when I have to work late. I might also leave them if I have to drive the doctors (1 hr round trip). She has a phone and friends over the road in an emergency. I would never dream of leaving them with my four year old however as they can’t be responsible for a small child. Too much could go wrong.

MinnieMountain · 31/05/2024 06:03

Definitely inappropriate and dangerous. We’ll leave our 10yo alone for up to an hour to do shopping if the other parent is away. Wouldn’t dream of leaving him in charge of younger children.

evrey · 31/05/2024 06:07

At aged 10 to 11 I try to trial my kids being left alone for small amounts of time in preperation for secondary school. (popping to the corner shop type thing)
However never in charge of a younger child .

Lengokengo · 31/05/2024 06:18

My SIL thought it appropriate to ask for my 12 year old DD to babysit her 3 and 5 year old for 8 hours, including doing an evening meal and putting them to bed. Errrr, no! She is sensible but it’s so unfair of parents to put this responsibility on children of this age. I would question these parents.

Original poster

WacCec · 31/05/2024 06:21

Lengokengo · 31/05/2024 06:18

My SIL thought it appropriate to ask for my 12 year old DD to babysit her 3 and 5 year old for 8 hours, including doing an evening meal and putting them to bed. Errrr, no! She is sensible but it’s so unfair of parents to put this responsibility on children of this age. I would question these parents.

These parents should know better as they all work in childcare and not entry level!!

OP posts:

Catza · 31/05/2024 07:56

Depending on a child, it can be perfectly appropriate and safe. Kids used to do this as a matter of course for generations with very little ill effect. Granted, they tend to be infantilised nowadays so maybe lacking skills to do it. Personally, coming from a big family it was a norm for my mother and for me. I was a very sensible and independent child with working parents, there was no other choice but to stay alone for a couple of hours after school until parents got home. It was also quite normal for me to look after my baby cousin while aunt popped to the shops. My cousin was a 6 months old at the time, I was about 11.
On the opposite side of the coin, my step daughter is 14 and her dad is still not comfortable with me leaving her home for a few hours or letting her run to a local shop or to walk a dog by herself. Totally bonkers, if you ask me.

Zanatdy · 31/05/2024 07:58

On her own I see no problem, many kids start staying home alone at 10/11. But no, she shouldn’t be looking after younger children, inappropriate

Original poster

WacCec · 31/05/2024 08:57

Catza · 31/05/2024 07:56

Depending on a child, it can be perfectly appropriate and safe. Kids used to do this as a matter of course for generations with very little ill effect. Granted, they tend to be infantilised nowadays so maybe lacking skills to do it. Personally, coming from a big family it was a norm for my mother and for me. I was a very sensible and independent child with working parents, there was no other choice but to stay alone for a couple of hours after school until parents got home. It was also quite normal for me to look after my baby cousin while aunt popped to the shops. My cousin was a 6 months old at the time, I was about 11.
On the opposite side of the coin, my step daughter is 14 and her dad is still not comfortable with me leaving her home for a few hours or letting her run to a local shop or to walk a dog by herself. Totally bonkers, if you ask me.

She is a sensible girl who you could trust but my concern is if something happens. How will she deal with a medical issue. I know she wouldn’t do anything to put them in danger as she is not a risk taker.
This is also not a needs must situation, they were out doing a hobby of their own whilst she was home alone.

OP posts:

Natsku · 31/05/2024 09:06

On her own fine, but seems a bit young to be looking after two much younger children on her own.

fieldsofbutterflies · 31/05/2024 09:08

On her own would be fine, but she's too young to have the responsibility of looking after younger children.

glittereyelash · 31/05/2024 09:12

A sensible 10 year old being left alone for 15 minutes while you run to the shops is fine but being left in charge of small children for any length of time is completely unreasonable. It's far too young

Walkthelakes · 31/05/2024 09:41

Catza · 31/05/2024 07:56

Depending on a child, it can be perfectly appropriate and safe. Kids used to do this as a matter of course for generations with very little ill effect. Granted, they tend to be infantilised nowadays so maybe lacking skills to do it. Personally, coming from a big family it was a norm for my mother and for me. I was a very sensible and independent child with working parents, there was no other choice but to stay alone for a couple of hours after school until parents got home. It was also quite normal for me to look after my baby cousin while aunt popped to the shops. My cousin was a 6 months old at the time, I was about 11.
On the opposite side of the coin, my step daughter is 14 and her dad is still not comfortable with me leaving her home for a few hours or letting her run to a local shop or to walk a dog by herself. Totally bonkers, if you ask me.

I’m a working parent with 2 sensible girls in year 4 and 6. I have no problem then watching tv whilst I work late. I even think they could technically look after my 4 year old. My worry is of something happened with the 4 year old (choking/falling) I don’t think they are old enough to be able to deal with that so I’m not comfy with it.

Original poster

WacCec · 31/05/2024 11:05

Walkthelakes · 31/05/2024 09:41

I’m a working parent with 2 sensible girls in year 4 and 6. I have no problem then watching tv whilst I work late. I even think they could technically look after my 4 year old. My worry is of something happened with the 4 year old (choking/falling) I don’t think they are old enough to be able to deal with that so I’m not comfy with it.

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This Is my worry. She is the most lovely kind girl
and I would worry how it would also affect her if god forbid anything happened.
She is sensitive and I’m not sure how she would cope.

OP posts:

Catza · 31/05/2024 11:15

Walkthelakes · 31/05/2024 09:41

I’m a working parent with 2 sensible girls in year 4 and 6. I have no problem then watching tv whilst I work late. I even think they could technically look after my 4 year old. My worry is of something happened with the 4 year old (choking/falling) I don’t think they are old enough to be able to deal with that so I’m not comfy with it.

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I get that but I also think if there is a risk of them coming across a situation they don't know how to deal with, it is sensible parenting to teach them how to deal with it rather than put a blanket ban on an activity.
Like I know, it is perfectly possible that a 14 year old can get lost in a new area but she won't magically acquire problem-solving skills when she turns 18. So I am happy for her to get lost and know how to use her phone to summon help or check google maps rather than not let her out of the house at all.
Similarly, I wouldn't necessarily make a habit of letting an 11 y/o to look after two small children weekly. But I would be comfortable letting them look after them for short periods of time, on occasion, and let them know what to do in emergency.

PuttingDownRoots · 31/05/2024 11:41

Home alone...fine.
Responsible for another child, especially a toddler... no.