Can you ever tell if feelings are reciprocated

[User155]

Do you ever really know if feelings are reciprocated?

I’m asking because I know someone, who I only see a couple of times a year, and every single time I see him I feel this insane connection. Every time. We’ll just have a brief chat wherever I’ve bumped into him but then I end up thinking of him for days afterward, and I mean ALL day.
I feel obsessed for a week or so, have very inappropriate thoughts, and then I return to my very genuinely happy normal life.

I’ll never act on it, it isn’t an issue whatsoever, but it just made me wonder why it’s so particularly strong with this person?

And it just made me think - is it so strong for a reason? For instance, maybe because It’s reciprocated?

Or is it just simply a one-way crush that happens to be particularly strong for some reason?

Is there any way of ever knowing if feelings are mutual, without asking? (He is not someone I could or would ever ask.)

I know no-one actually knows the answer, but I’m so intrigued to know what you believe, based on your own experiences.

YABU- you can never truly tell if it’s reciprocated

YANBU- you can definitely tell if it’s reciprocated

You can sometimes tell and not at others. Depends on the person and how much they show their feelings. You can't magically tell - there have to be signs perceptible by the human senses.

I think you are more likely to feel it so strongly because he probably smells good to you (i genuinely believe in the pheromone thing).

Also, I know I am in no position to tell you what to do, but maybe consider letting it go and not worrying about it too much

He might love you more than life itself. He might fancy you very slightly. He might barely know you exist.

If you never intend to do anything about it, really what does it matter? .

Obviously you are attracted.
And he:
A) Is not attracted.
B) Is attracted but happily taken and does not want to mess it up.
C) Attracted but does not want to initiate the first step.
In all three scenarios you need to look elsewhere. For point C, a man that wants you and is capable of mature relationship will make an effort to progress things.

I think you can tell if feelings are reciprocated when there are repeated ongoing contacts. But in this situation he may just be a very pleasant guy with a warm personality. Some people are engaging and they make others around them feel good. It's not phony or manipulative, it's just not necessarily personal.

Some people ouze attraction, looks like you've met someone like this, he probabaly has many women feeling like this, some people just have it.

He also probably has someone in his life that he feels the same way about.

That's life.

If it was reciprocated he would be banging your door down.

Genuinely not worried about it and absolutely do not want it to go anywhere.

Just really curious about how you go through life and feel urges of attraction to some people and not others, and wondered if those strong urges are stronger because we subconsciously feel it’s reciprocal.

Just musings, that’s all. Not looking for advice on the situation!

I'm guessing you're not single? Abs not is he?
It's ok to have strong feelings and resist them, but I can see why you are curious because it's weird to imagine they can't sense how strongly attracted you are to them.

Hello!
For only acquaintances I think it is very hard to tell. Especially as some others noted, some people have that kind of personality or magnetic energy.
If it’s more of a friendship I feel myself like they have more often than not been reciprocated on some level in the cases where I’ve had the chance to share feelings or had them shared with me. I had one quite gentle crush for years which ran its course and when the person moved into an open relationship, they shared with me how they used to feel (too) which was lovely actually.
Not always though - I had one brutal infatuation which I shared with a friend and they weren’t on the same page! However I hadn’t known then long and a long term stable friendship is a bit different I think.
For me - I feel like context is also important - if I or the other person was happily attached (or i was) but I fancy them I tend to hold back a bit to make sure I don’t intrude on their relationship (or break mine) if I know that I’m also comfortable with it just being a friendship and don’t need to bow out.
So I’d say that if you or they are attached, or if you aren’t very obvious with your feelings yourself to give them a clue, it’s not going to be very easy to know for sure.
Also I guess feelings of being horny are different to when you feel really connected to someone - though obv can co exist. I feel like where there’s been trust and reciprocity in a relationship as well as a feeling of a charge, it’s more likely to be mutual.

Going to your question about whether some attractions feel stronger because there is some belief - subconscious or not - that it’s reciprocated…. I absolutely believe this. I feel like what keeps a crush going is an opening/ambiguity…. that the other person is either fancying you or sometimes enjoying the attention or connection or getting something from it themselves (even if it’s just that they are low / missing something in their relationship). I don’t feel like it’s necessarily calculated - can all be subconscious. And I feel like sometimes these exchanges can be positive/light or illuminating, even where nothing happens.
as long as not unsettling either person
my belief anyway - could be wrong!

The only people who believe that they have strong obsessive feelings because they are secretly reciprocated are stalkers. So I'd get that idea out of your head before it takes root. The level of attraction you have for a person gives no indication whatsoever of their feelings for you. The only way you know if someone is attracted to you is if they show it. Either overtly by trying to progress a relationship with you, or by signals, body language, flirting etc. However, it's easy to misread the latter and see what you want to see if you're as invested as you appear to be.