Red flag? 🚩

[Quaver97]

I’m a single parent and I’ve been dating a single dad. He sees his DC every weekend, however he does want to see her more but apparently his ex is being difficult. Yesterday was his DCs birthday so he went to his party and obviously saw his ex was there. Since then he’s been ranting to me about his ex saying she used him to have a DC and then pushed him away, kept him from seeing his DC for ages and talking about his past with her. Is this a red flag that he is ranting to me about his ex?

Yes.

Ditch. I'm assuming he didn't bother going to court for proper access but is happy to say the Ex is crazy and mean 🙄

He's not over her.

I can only imagine how hard it is for a man to conceive a child in good faith that he and the child will be a permanent feature in each others livew, only for him to be ditched. That to me sounds devastating, particularly if coming from a family where the parents were together. He is deeply wounded and rightly hurt and angry. I would not think it’s a case of not being over the ex, more a case of loving the child and missing being with him. A man and his little boy separated, my heart breaks. He needs compassion and attunement right now, not abandonment unless there are other reasons he is not right for you 🙌 this is also assuming he’s a kind and decent person generally.

Not necessarily. Could just be a dad who wants to see his kid more and thinks that you will understand.

Time will tell. As above he could just be missing his child .

If he’s genuinely missing the child, what is he doing about it?
Again, it could be he didn’t want to make proper arrangements for child care or he might have been a dick
You just don’t know without other side of the story.

Its between him and the ex. He will always have some form of connection with her because she is the mother of his child.
Regardless of whether it’s a red flag, how do you feel being caught in the middle ?
How do you feel listening to him ranting about it?
How you feel is what matters to you.

How long have you been with him ?

No.
Not at a red flag all. He is just vexing to you as he is obviously upset regarding his child. He could just opening up to you about his feelings. My DP dotes on his DD and it would utterly cut him up with limited access. Luckily ex is easy going and has let him see her more if he wanted to.

FTW, my dad used to get upset every weekend dropping me back off to my mum's as he used to say how much he missed me.

It can be tough.

Did he get pushed away or did she get rid because he was not a good partner/father? It’s never a good sign if someone sees themselves as entirely without blame when something goes wrong.

Depends. How long have you been dating? Was his "ranting" quite controlled? Does it fit in with everything else you know about him?

You say it was yesterday- did he rant when he came back to see you after this? Or has he been continually going on about it?

At some point you have to learn the story and situation with his ex so he does need to fill you in and yes he might find it upsetting.

So yeah it could be a "red flag" but I'd say it was an "Amber flag" for now. Proceed with caution.

I second this with the caveat that I wasn't there so don't know what this "rant" contained. My DH used to get very upset after his children left after their stay with us.

Why would this be a red flag?

Why would it be a red flag? My best friend married a man who had 2 sons and a very unco-operative ex who made his life an absolute misery while they were married and even worse after they divorced. She tried everything in her power to stop him seeing those boys even though he’s a devoted, doting dad and wants more access than he’s ever been allowed. The 15 year old has now asked to live with him and his wife full time.

As long as your partner is a good guy and doesn’t lose his temper with you etc then ranting about his ex is totally normal and not an issue (depending on what he was saying in the rant, obviously).