BPD - does it excuse bad behaviour?

[Honeysucklelane]

Genuine question, does having Bipolar Disorder explain / excuse a person being down right rude and behaving badly towards friends? They can be great, fun and really pleasant - like their ‘old self’ before being diagnosed, then there’s a period of being really rude, totally unreasonable and over the top about minor stuff and they expect others to put up with it. I know if you care about a person you’re there for the highs and the lows, but atm it feels like they use their diagnosis as an excuse to say things they wouldn’t have said to friends before.

It may explain it, it doesn’t excuse it though.

Nope. It doesn’t excuse bad behaviour. This is coming from someone who pretty much had her childhood ruined because of her mother’s mental health.

I can’t speak for all people but my mother would use her dreadful mental health to get pretty much what she wanted and spoke to people like shit. Could be the life and sole of the party then smashing your windows in a few hours later pissed, arrested then let off because of her ‘mental health’

I could right a book full of shit she got away with because of her ‘mental health’

As @TheWavey said, it can explain why their behaviour is that way, but in no way is it an excuse and shouldn't be tolerated.

Sounds like you need to distance yourself a bit from this person OP.

I have bipolar ( I’m also a secondary school teacher) as far as I know bipolar doesn’t cause people to be rude or nasty. I’ve never been told I am, there’s no excuse for rudeness, I also don’t think I would be employed 12 years later as a teacher if I had been rude to staff or students. Psychosis triggered by bipolar can make people rude- my Nan was rather nasty with it but that’s psychosis not bipolar

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder / Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder not Bipolar, which one do you mean?

This

Thanks. I have some experience of mental health issues and I am an empath. I feel some people do use MH conditions as an excuse to get away with treating others like shit. It’s a rollercoaster tbh, can make a joke one week they’ll laugh about, the same joke another week will cause them to be deeply offended and go silent.

I meant Bi-polar disorder, but they use ‘BPD.’

I’m so sorry! I’m not totally up with the mumsnet acronyms yet!

So which one is it? They're seperate conditions.

That's not a mumsnet acronym, BPD is the medical acronym/shorthand for borderline personality disorder. If you saw it in a patients notes you'd never take it to mean Bi-polar, they're different conditions.

Definitely need to distance, I’m losing sympathy and the ability to put up with erratic behaviour.

My bipolar friend has her ups and downs, and yes when she's experiencing a manic episode she can say unintentionally hurtful things. I tell her off for it, she apologises (eventually). She's not completely lost her faculties or ability to be decent, her filters are just on low. It's not her fault but it doesn't mean she shouldn't be pulled up on it.

This person has Bi-Polar disorder, but has referred to it on messages as BPD, which is why I thought that’s what it an acronym for.

Ah ok!

Yes this

Do you have to pick your moment to address the fact she’s been hurtful? I feel if I was to try bringing it up I might pick the wrong moment and end up in a bigger mess.

I'm quite blunt so I'll tell her off in the moment, which can lead to arguments yes... But she eventually cools off and apologises.

She's one of my oldest and best friends, on balance I love her enough to put up with her occasionally being a dick, because 99% of the time she's not, and she's always contrite after she's settled down.

If they keep referring to it as BPD maybe they do have Borderline and you've confused it with bipolar?

It’s definitely Bi-polar, I’ve also seen other posts on Mumsnet that have used ‘BPD’ for Bi-polar disorder, so I guess others and my friend are confused between the two. I don’t know why they’ve used BPD if it means a different condition. I can’t edit the title now. I don’t know much about Bi-polar or Borderline Personality Disorder. I just know it’s Bi-Polar Disorder and they’ve used BPD as shorthand for it on messages.

From my discussions with people with bpad, sometimes when someone is becoming elevated they can get irritable because it can feel a bit like everyone else is just taking a long time to get things and it’s frustrating. It can increase irritability, a lovely lady I know starts swearing when she’s getting elevated.

There is a level of unreasonableness. You can't really argue with someone who's really upset with BPD. You have to just kind of agree with them and give them space to calm down and be rational.

No it really doesn't. I watched one friend be slowly eroded by this attitude until she finally escaped but it left its mark on their youngest daughter who is really struggling mentally.

A female friend has bp and another friend is married to a man with bp and neither use their diagnosis like this nor are rude or abusive.

You think a serious mental illness should not be excused or tolerated? One of my family is bi polar, she is the governess of her town and is normally an absolutely wonderful person. When going through a manic episode she was convinced her husband was trying to kill her and she stuck a 20 inch kitchen knife through his back. Mil and bil are both bi polar. Mil runs 2 businesses and bil is extremely talented in his field, though he has burnt most bridges with his reputation at this point. Bil at his worst was having vivid hallucinations that people were after him and he was being chased in the street. He only got help after he was seen through his apartment window trying to hang himself and ended up getting sectioned. Mil (who is erratic but one of the most generous person I’ve ever met) got temporarily banned from her own apartment block, as during an episode a neighbour knocked on her door to ask about parking spaces and she smashed a glass in his face. We’re still not sure why. And you think having bi polar is not an excuse for being rude??

I have tried to reason and gently point out it might be best for them to step away from things or sleep on it when they’re in that phase of acting completely unreasonably and sending offensive messages to others, - because I care about them and they are likely to alienate everyone and be ridiculed for the things they write in that moment, but it’s impossible to get through.