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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really hate my BIL

13 replies

cassierose · 30/05/2024 19:03

I have always disliked my BIL but now it is getting to the point where I really am starting to hate him.

For years BIL would expect my husband to just drop everything and meet him, drive him to places etc.

My husband even crashed his car once and BIL insisted he drive him to the airport when he was tired.

Every weekend they would see each other.

We have a 8 month old baby and up until recently husband would stay in more and see his brother perhaps once a month every other week.

Now my husband has told me that his brother is moaning that he hardly see's him and is blaming me.

BIL will never come to our house (where he is welcome) but insists on my husband driving to him or accompanying him somewhere.

It is all very one sided.

He also has 8 kids with 4 different women - two of which weee conceived behind his wife's back.

BIL also expects us to parent his 20 year old son who carries guns and is just trouble.

I look after our soon 90% of the time and do his care and I get little money from my husband even though he works and gets good money.

He was expecting us to chip in and buy the 20 year old trainers to with a matching tracksuit.
I really believe BIL gets his kids to ask us for money etc because husband earns good money.

Anyway how my husband is wanting to go out and stay out on Saturday with his brother.
I feel very uncomfortable about this as I have seen his brother chatting up girls when I have been out with him on the odd times.

I hardly every get time to see or anything I want and yet my husband just expects life to be the same pre baby.

His brother causes us massive arguments.

Husband is always mosning and complaining that he doesn't see his family.
I have had enough of his selfishness.

Am I unreasonable to really dislike his brother who I feel is always stirring up our marriage and gets us involved in his seedy ways?

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 30/05/2024 19:07

Your husband is the issue OP.

DowntonCrabby · 30/05/2024 19:13

Agree with PP, this is a husband problem, your anger needs redirecting.

Slimeblimeclimb · 30/05/2024 19:15

You have a dh problem not a bil one

Toxicalevandherhusband · 30/05/2024 19:20

Op stop referring to this man as your husband. He ain't no husband . Wake up my love.

bevelino · 30/05/2024 19:21

A 20 year old carrying guns, are you in the US? Even if you are why is he carrying guns? That’s scary.

GoneFishingToday · 30/05/2024 19:29

I agree with other posters OP. You need to sit down and have a good talk with your DH, tell him that now he's a parent his time needs to be spent with his immediate family, which is you, him and your baby. Point out that you don't have a problem with his brother coming to you, but are worried that if he goes out with him, he's likely to put him in a situation which he might find difficult to get out of, ie, expect him to go with other women etc. Then tell him that his brother is taking the piss, expecting your DH to cloth HIS kids, and you aren't happy about him doing it, or having his DS round to yours whilst carrying a gun, as it's putting your child at risk. If your DH says that he'll do as he wishes, then you will know that your relationship is over, and that he cares more about his brother than he does about you and your baby. If this is the case, then I'd tell him to go and have fun with his brother, but not to expect to come back, because he won't be welcome.

Bestyearever2024 · 30/05/2024 19:33

Your BIL is not the problem

Your husband is the problem

Sort it out with husband or leave him

Chickpea17 · 30/05/2024 19:34

Your husband is the problem not your brother-in-law.

MissUltraViolet · 30/05/2024 19:36

You're blaming the wrong person.

You have husband problems.

IsawwhatIsaw · 30/05/2024 19:41

Your husband is choosing to spend a lot of his time with this man. He is the problem

EnglishBluebell · 30/05/2024 19:47

Everyone involved sounds rough as nails tbh. I'd be gone

Original poster
cassierose · 30/05/2024 20:52

GoneFishingToday · 30/05/2024 19:29

I agree with other posters OP. You need to sit down and have a good talk with your DH, tell him that now he's a parent his time needs to be spent with his immediate family, which is you, him and your baby. Point out that you don't have a problem with his brother coming to you, but are worried that if he goes out with him, he's likely to put him in a situation which he might find difficult to get out of, ie, expect him to go with other women etc. Then tell him that his brother is taking the piss, expecting your DH to cloth HIS kids, and you aren't happy about him doing it, or having his DS round to yours whilst carrying a gun, as it's putting your child at risk. If your DH says that he'll do as he wishes, then you will know that your relationship is over, and that he cares more about his brother than he does about you and your baby. If this is the case, then I'd tell him to go and have fun with his brother, but not to expect to come back, because he won't be welcome.

Hi

Yes I have tried to approach this with him but he just says im stopping him spending time with his family.

It's like banging a head against a brick wall, I have told him so many times his brother is welcome to the house.

And his BIL also expects me to babysit his kids he has with his OW, and husband thinks nothing of it that he has two families.

I am seriously thinking of leaving as every other day we argue about the same thing.

I have actually applied to onto local housing near my family and used the local connection and have got a Band 3 so I'm just going to continue bidding and then just go.

OP posts:
GoneFishingToday · 30/05/2024 21:42

I'm glad to hear that you sound prepared to cut your losses with this one OP, as it's not easy to leave someone you once loved, but he's obviously more besotted with his brother than he is with his own family, so it really does sound like you'll be better off without him. However, in the meantime I'd definitely be putting my foot down about this kid entering your home with a gun!! Can't you report anonymously that he's carrying?

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