So I guess I'm looking for some advice, my boyfriend and I have been together around a year and a half, and we have a child together who is 4 months old. Our relationship is great, and let me just say I love his family. His mum and dad have been very supportive of us from the beginning.
My partner has another child from a previous relationship, he's a credit to them both, my partner partners sons mum. Beautiful boy, the best personality, very funny, mischievous, great in school, clever etc. My problem is that due to the nature of the way my boyfriend and his sons mums broke up, there is bad blood there (she cheated with guy shes with now). Partners mum and dad have constantly got something to say about my boyfriends sons mum and they say it in front of him, albeit in hush tones but I know he hears it. He's 6, so not of full understanding always but has a pretty good grasp on it. I've repeatedly stuck up for his mum even though I've never met her ( son is picked up by nan from other nans house and dropped back there).
I strongly believe no child should have to listen to one of their parents being berated or slagged off. They just don't see it as a problem though and are in my opinion pretty hypocritical with the insults anyway I.e " obviously benefits pay for their life". Meanwhile partners dad is also on benefits.. or " that will be 4 kids with 3 dads now" but their son ( my boyfriend) has 2 with 2 kids mums. They split up when the child was only 2, so i cant understand the need. I won't lie and say my boyfriend is perfect either because he was the same at the start but I told him I won't be sticking around if he's gonna badmouth his own sons mum. He chose to make a child at one point in their life together so has no right being negative about her. Can all have our own opinions as adults but no child should be caught in the middle of it. This has been a repetitive issue with his mum and dad though, who just don't seem to let it go.
Gonna call him step son for this part just to make it less confusing, stepsons mum also has partner ( been with him pretty much since her and my boyfriend split up), stepson calls him step dad, and my boyfriends family have such a big issue with it, and I don't see why? He isn't taking his actual dads place and stepsons mum reciprocated the same thing with me and told stepson he's very lucky because he has a mum, dad, step mum, and step dad. So she didn't exclude me, and stepson told me this himself, well he told everyone lol. My boyfriend and his mum and dad constantly say you only have one dad which is true but they won't even allow him to call him step dad, whilst happily letting him think of me as stepmum. Which is ridiculous in my opinion, why can't they just be happy child has more people to love him. I will say boyfriend has started to come around to it now, and is more accepting. I can understand it must be hurtful at the beginning but it's years down the line now and both sides have new families. I guess I'm just looking at ways to help me curb this. I don't want stepson feeling like his mum is disliked that's his mum and I feel that this should be one hundred percent respected at all times. I dint think either side will ever be best of friends due to no contact between parents but I would love it just to be civil and stepson be free to say what he wants without worrying about upsetting stupid adults. Last week he went to tell us something he had been uo to and hesitated when we he went to day step dads name. He shouldn't have to worry about it and should be comfortable to say whatever enters his mind. How do I make this happen without causing any drama? Am I being unreasonable to try and sort this or am I out of my depth and it isn't my place