Cannabis addict..

[neverquiteready]

Hi all, I have been going to therapy for some time and current relationship has become the main focus recently. My therapist has stated in our last session that she thinks my partner is an addict (cannabis) and that our relationship will always come secondary to his addiction like all other addicts. She doesn't believe we can have a healthy relationship while it continues. She also said that long term daily cannabis smokers often have altered brain chemistry which leads to being unable to control mood swings, temper etc.

For context, my partner smokes cannabis and tobacco everyday practically all day long and also in 2 rooms of the house. I am a bit concerned for my own health being exposed to second hand smoke (also embarrassed about it) but I already know he will not take well to me giving an ultimatum about this. Would you leave if he doesn't?

Opinions / WWYD?

WWID? I'd leave him.

Leave him. And consider in therapy why you thought this loser was a good choice of life partner

You can dump someone for whatever reason, unaddressed (or not) drug addiction, likes willies, prefers oasis to blur, whatever.

If you don't want to go out with him, don't. I'm personally surprised there would be an ultimatum

I'd tell him to piss off with his nasty dopey smoke elsewhere

The smoking inside would be an absolute deal breaker for me. It's one thing to treat your own lungs abysmally, but quite another to subject your partner's lungs to the same treatment.

I couldn't be with someone who would react badly to being asked to smoke outside so I didn't breathe in carcinogens. It's the absolute minimum and you're afraid to ask. That tells you everything you need to know...

She also said that long term daily cannabis smokers often have altered brain chemistry which leads to being unable to control mood swings, temper etc.

Does he have mood swings and a temper?

I would say so. Overreacts when things don't go the way he wants

You haven’t said what the actual relationship problems or difficulties are? Do you think they’re attributable to cannabis as well?

Does your partner smoke joints? Or cigarettes in addition to cannabis? Perhaps you can encourage them over onto a dry herb vape to smoke the cannabis flower, and cut the tobacco out altogether? Tobacco is probably going to be harder to quit than the cannabis. But once the tobacco is out of the picture, it would be easier for them to try reducing the cannabis, etc.

My partner went from smoking 4-5 joints a night for 20+ years, down to just one bowl on the dry herb vape before bed - just to suppress dreams and aid sleep.

That’s if you want to save the relationship and are still invested, of course. You obviously need to believe that your partner wants to cut down, or work with you on this, to even want to make a start on talking about this kind of approach.

Ex smoker here

That's fucking vile

Do better OP

@PlainChipsandIpads well it is mostly mood swings and overreacting to situations (like a driver pulling out when they shouldnt as an example). I would like to save the relationship as I am invested however I know he won't cut back for me. He has commented on friends GFs who have told their partners to quit or cut back and basically said he would tell his partner to F off if they said that to him..

He did go 2 months of vaping cannabis and no tobacco due to a health concern but said he didn't like it so started smoking the odd joint and it creeped back up to even more than before.

Writing it all down makes me realise how f*cking grim it is tbh

Dump.

How long have you been together.

Whose house is it.

You say he smokes all day long, does he work?

@Bananalanacake 5 years, think the therapy is making me reevaluate my standards hence why is coming up now. His house, I pay half of everything & he works from home

Ok, I've read so many threads on here where it is the Op's house and the DP isn't paying anything so the OP is told to kick the cocklodger out. if it is his place and he pays for his own cannabis at least he's not leaching off you. Could you afford to move out and rent on your own, you could still see him if you want to, just don't have to breathe in the smoke all the time.