Weird work relationship with a married colleague

[Etfg]

I am on holiday now and away from the office, and it has dawned on me that my work relationship with my married colleague for many years is abnormal. He never did anything “wrong” but has an odd hold on me. He’s friendly and best friend one day, then very cold the next. We have to work together, so at those times, he’s so full-on - complimenting me on work, praising me to everyone, making intense eye contact, noticing I am down, and then coming to cheer me up. Then, there was zero contact for a while, and they completely ignored me. Yes, I ignore him these days, but he always finds a way to reel me in. He can be flirty and then back off. I am fed up with the stupidity of the situation. I am not engaging in any personal conversations with him anymore, but whenever I ignore him, he finds a new way to get to me. He’s very senior at work and holds a high position, so there’s some imbalance. What does this guy want? I am very dismissive of him these days but have to be politically careful too

He's married, why do you even care what he wants? Maintain professionalism at work and do the work you're paid to do. Stay impersonal, instead of thinking and writing about a man who isnt coming home to you. Im sure we've all had to put up with flirty men at work they're ten a penny, no need to engage with them beyond work practices.

It’s difficult to know. Maybe he is a bit of a sleaze or maybe his personality is a bit intense and then on days when he’s super busy he’s totally self absorbed.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable I would keep a bit of a distance as you have been doing.

This. Also, you haven’t mentioned whether he has actually shown interest in you other than praising you and flirting which can be very subjective. As long as he hasn’t sent any texts or emails that are inappropriate and he isn’t making you feel uncomfortable then you don’t need to do anything. It’s coming across to me that you actually want something to happen.

He likes the power he has and being able to reel you in on a whim gives him something to wank over.

I’m a man, and believe me when I say men in general really don’t tend to wank over power - that’s just weird!

Well, I had a straight, female boss who would be your best friend one day and then be monosyllabic and unsmiling the next, and she definitely didn't fancy any of us, so it's perfectly possible your colleague is just prone to moods.

I also think it doesn't actually matter 'what he wants' because he's a married man and you should just be professional with him.

You say you're dismissive of him 'these days'. If he was flirting with you, why weren't you dismissive of him from from day one, given that he's a married senior colleague? Seems like you were happy to indulge with the flirting back when you thought it would lead somewhere. Why are you even thinking about this while you're on holiday? I wouldn't be spending my time off mulling over office stuff, which leads me to conclude that you actually have a massive crush on this man and are disappointed that no affair has been forthcoming.

I wasn’t flirting with him. It’s just that I used to listen and was open to listening to his life stories. I shut them down quickly these days. I am not only thinking about him; I am thinking about how toxic my place of work is. I have been applying for other roles outside this company for a while now and am looking to leave. I am not interested in an affair with him - if I were after one, I am sure I could do that with someone else. I want to have a normal relationship with the people at work. I haven’t encountered this batshit behaviour before. He’s more senior than me, so I can’t just tell him to p off.