AIBU to expect ex to pay towards childcare

[CatMumFi]

I am divorced and have two kids, one goes to nursery 5 days a week the other after school club 3 days a week which cost a fortune but I receive Universal credit to cover 85% of childcare costs, I pay the remaining 15%. I also pay for other clubs, uniform, hair cuts, dentist etc. I recieve the £170 a month child benefit. I previously had an informal agreement for child maintenance with my ex and he covered half the childcare costs, but he now claims he shouldn't have to pay me anything each month as I receive the child benefit to pay this 15% of the childcare costs. We have 50/50 split of the kids in terms of time, but as I pay and do all the admin etc, my argument is that it isn't actually 50/50 and he should at least pay half of what childcare costs me - but he refuses because I get the child benefit. He essentially gets free childcare on his days. AIBU to expect him to pay half of my childcare costs, ignoring the child benefit? I am considering putting in an official claim for child maintenance but because we split them 50/50 in terms of time, I don't know if I would get anything from this.

Maintenance is fixed sum. You can use the child maintenance calculator to determine how much he is due to pay, anything above this is a goodwill gesture on his part.

Can you cancel the childcare for his days and leave him to deal with it?

Thanks - I have looked at the calculator and when I put in the number of nights as half the time it comes up with a decent amount (a lot more than he will agree to unless forced), but then when I have looked into it further I have read that when you split them 50/50 they don't have to pay anything, so it is conflicting information, which is why I am not sure what the outcome of an official claim would be.

Unfortunately not as we have a two week rota - so one week I have them certain days and the next week it is the opposite days. it was the only way we could figure out a 50/50 split to make it fair for weekends/school pick ups etc.

If he has 50/50 then it is unlikely he would be paying anything.

50/50 custody means you're responsible for anything that occurs on your time. If the child needs childcare across both homes that cost should be split proportionately.

With universal credit, is the amount yu are paid directly related to childcare costs or is it a general claim? Let's assume it's the former, in which case, which is greater - half the child benefit or half the 15% left in the childcare cost? make a plan accordingly.

If your UC is a general claim but just happens to top up to 85% of the childcare, then I'd be telling him to get stuffed. That UC is because you don't have enough money to live on without it considering how you are operating and workign and looking after the DC.

Also, what does 50/50 in term time mean? Does he also have them 50/50 in holidays? If not, then go ahead and do the CMS claim.

Does the child benefit cover the 15%. Regardless you're both getting 85% paid by the tax payer so that's a pretty good deal.

Suggest that the total sum for clothes, activities is added up, the CB removed, and then split 50:50?

Normally he should pay for everything on ‘his time’ so if the childcare is used equally across both homes then you should split it equally.

but I can see that if you used the total childcare figure in your UC claim then that wouldn’t be fair and you’d be almost making a profit on your half and he’d be getting none of the UC credit help.

it is complicated! If you put only your half of the childcare into the UC claim would you get proportionally less UC and so it would work out the same just with him contributing more rather than UC? If so I’d probably leave it.

in terms of clubs and nice extras it would seem fair to split it 50/50.

but he has a point that you get the child benefit.

So your UC is paying for his childcare? Is this normal or are you only meant to claim for childcare on your own days and then he does his own claim?

Thanks - that is what we're currently doing but I have to pay it all first (which always leaves me short), then tell him the total amount I have spent on it all and ask for his half, which he then either ignores or takes ages to send to me. Ideally I want a fixed amount each month on a set date so I don't have to chase him - as often when I ask for the money I get an abusive reply about how I'm always on at him for money (for this children that he has to pay nothing out for!)

It is all technically all my childcare as I work full time and have them on all of the days I work at one point or another over two weeks - nursery won't let me have different days one week to the next so I can't make it so it is just for my days, and I need all days covered for myself (as does he) so we both benefit from it, he just doesn't cover any of the cost of it.

I think I actually agree with him. If UC is covering 85% of the childcare bill and the Child Benefit (another government benefit) covers the remaining 15% that leaves you both with your own wages and you have 50/50 care. Sounds fair to me.

Thanks - child benefit doesn't cover the 15% and the additional costs i.e. other clubs etc - which is why I ask him to pay half towards it but he refuses/kicks off whenever I ask him - which is why I was considering a more official route so that I don't have to constantly ask him about it.

As it's 50/50 and you are getting the child benefit I'm on the fence, does the child benefit cover the child care?

No the child benefit doesn't cover the full cost I pay for childcare, nor does it cover additional clubs (that he also benefits from due to the additional after school cover it provides)

You shouldn't get 50% of a bill when 85% is being paid for by universal credit. If anything you should halve the 15% you do pay. He could also have the child benefit for one child if its 50/50 with 2 children. So I'd be requesting 50% split of activities and billed directly from the clubs if able to

If its 50/50 it's unlikely he would have to pay anything.

Take the 15% you pay, take off child benefit, add all other child care costs and you both pay half seems fair to me. I wouldn't go down the cm route as if he's anything like my ex he'd be likely to then refuse to pay anything he didn't have to, so you'd potentially be worse off long term.

But you said it's 50/50? So he does pay for their housing, heating, clothing, food etc 50% of the time?
I do think you should split the childcare bill 15% but should also split the child benefit. Other things are up to each parent to decide on their time. You want them to go swimming then you pay. He wants them to get riding lessons then he pays.

You may be due for maintenance from him even if you have 50/50 custody if there is a large difference in come. I would contact CMS to confirm what this amount might be and if it is higher then what you get then consider going for it.

Obviously this needs to be balanced by the fact that going though CMS may negatively effect your relationship with your ex.

It isn't 'your' child care. If you weren't there then he would have to cover all the child care. You both work full time and need childcare in order to do that.

Yeah, this. Could you tell the childcare provider to bill him for his days?

It's awful having to send a bill and wait for the money.

If I were you I wouldn't trust him with the admin but I might ask him to take on really specific costs like all costs, shoes and haircuts, for example. He can be in charge of that (if he's capable - if not then think of something else)

You might also then need to insist on set days eg you always do Sunday Monday he always does Tuesday Wednesday and you take turns Thursday-Saturday - then you're still 50/50 but he needs to pay for the activities on 'his' days