To be miffed at feeling irrelevant?

[ColdGirlWinter]

I was friendly with a woman and her mother a few years ago, and actually thought we were friends rather than friendly. I was then not invited to her wedding, which rather upset me but then again another friend of hers, probably closer than I was, wasn't either (she also got married later the same month and neither went to each other's weddings). When I found out she was getting married (not locally) I wrote to her to wish her well, sent her a card and a book which was set in the location she was getting married at. (It was a favourite of mine, it was coincidence that her wedding was in the same place). She wrote back (I think she WhatsApped me actually) to say thanks, she would enjoy reading the book. This was in 2019, she had a honeymoon baby and then another child, lives hundreds of miles away and we've never been in touch since. I did feel a bit discarded but concluded that well, people drift and she had kids, gave up her job etc to be a SAHM.

Over the weekend I saw her mum as I was round at her house. I walked the dog whilst she went to her daughter's for the bank holiday weekend and returned the keys. I noticed the book on her coffee table and asked if her daughter had given it to her. She said she had, that someone had given it to her some time ago and the daughter couldn't remember who it was that had given it her. I said it was me, and why I made her a gift of it, but didn't say any more and we just discussed the book and that was that.

I was a little miffed about that, but was finally able to realise that I was never as important to her as I thought she was to me. I've also reflected that she's not got a lot of depth to her to be honest. Though she got a very good job she was always focused on having a man. I don't mean to be unkind, she's got two kids under 5 and is busy - this is not my kind of life - but it's probably a life lesson. I'm more friends with her mum and brother now, funnily enough. I can now treat her as irrelevant to my life as she does to me. I hear about her from her mum and brother and they share pics of the kids, and I enjoy hearing that, but that's all. I'm not interested in being friends with her.

AIBU to be miffed? Am I being a Mardy Bum?

You seem to have invented this internal drama, so you're entitled to feel however you want to feel about this former friendship.

Yes, it can hurt, but it does happen that sometimes you can be mistaken about the extent to which someone feels you're friend, or overestimate your importance to them. I don't think this means she 'doesn't have a lot of depth to her'. She has two young children and lives hundreds of miles away. Drifting apart would be perfectly natural. And I wouldn't overthink the book -- did it not have an inscription from you as you'd sent it as a wedding present? No one involved did anything wrong.

I'm not suggesting anyone has done anything wrong and the length of the post doesn't equal "drama". I've not made any drama of it or said anything, except here, which I am using to process it, to be fair. When I was talking about lack of depth, it was a realisation over the years, not the fact she isn't in touch because of her kids, husband or whatever. We are just on different pages.

I did pick the book up to see if I had written inside it, which I hadn't.