Has anyone successfully taught their kid a language?

[Elmonster]

Me and DH are both native English speakers but we both also speak Spanish fluently. I actually spent a few years at school in Spain as a child, so while I’m not bilingual, I speak Spanish very well. We obviously speak mostly in English at home but do speak some Spanish with each other.

Has anyone in a similar position successfully taught the language (or a bit of it!) to their kids? Ours are 5 and 7 and I have started introducing Spanish words just as part of normal life (eg “look there’s una vaca”). Is this a waste of time or could kids pick up a language in this way if done consistently over a few years?

They'll certainly pick up some vocabulary by you doing this but they're not going to be able to form actual sentences or understand spoken Spanish without either more structured study or total immersion.

Agree with the above.
I am an interpreter (Speak Spanish and French) and it is a fantastic skill to have bit I am determined I won’t be my children’s teacher, and if they turn out more into science and maths like their Dad, that’s ok. I make it fun, silly songs, games, numbers and I let them listen to me talking with clients so they show an interest. Very hard to make them bilingual without immersion, but I was only bilingual in my 20s and I’m now an interpreter. I see it like having a driving license-if you get one aged 13, you can’t use it yet!

If you only introduce words to them then they will obviously pick up those words but they won’t become bilingual from hearing a few words repeatedly.

I work with kids and part of my job is teaching them to be fluent in, at least, a foreign language (be it English, French or Spanish depending on where I work and the kids’ other languages.)

If you want your kids to be fluent ideally they need to hear the language 50% of the time. If it’s not possible, I would skip doing words and do full sentences instead. Kids can completely pick up what you mean through context and by being exposed to it repeatedly then learn what it means and also learn to guess other similar words/sentences.

Instead of saying “look there’s una vaca” just say “Mira, hay una vaca.” Why? because then they learn “mira” which is a lot more useful than “vaca”. And use it every time you want to say “look” so then they will guess what the next/new words are based on what you show them “Mira, una flor!”. Do their routine in Spanish “pon tus zapatos, por favor.” and within a week they will know those sentences. Maybe not to the point to repeat and use them themselves but definitely to know what you are asking them to do, and recognize it if someone else say the same thing to them.

Random words don’t help, you need them to be able to use sentences. So the more fluently you speak to them the more fluent they will become. Kids pick up very quickly and most of the kids I work for become fluent within a year (not perfect obviously but full understanding and decent conversation levels) the younger they are when they learn usually the more natural it becomes to them, but in my case I exclusively speak to them in the language I am trying to teach them.

The only time I switch to common language is when in presence of others and even then when specifically addressing them I am still likely to use the 2nd language.

This is fascinating. I was anticipating building up to phrases but maybe I’ll go straight to that. I’m not aiming for bilingualism, just basic conversational stuff. At what age are you working with kids and how much time are you spending with them? I’m just thinking that a kid you’re with 12 hours a day will pick up the language faster than one who is only with you for a couple of hours. And as you say, the younger the better. Do older kids pick it up?

Also, do the kids ever get frustrated? Mine are sometimes cross when I speak Spanish and just want me to speak English.

Fascinating. In my (limited) research on this, a child/learner needs to hear a new word 17 times apparently before they feel comfortable using it so agree with above, natural repetition in everyday life is the way to get them to learn a second language similar to how they would have learnt their first language.

My DC’s father is French and while they are not fluent yet as he works v long hours, they have a good conversational standard now. I speak fluent French but as it doesn’t feel 100% natural to me, I don’t speak French when to the DC when there are no other native speakers around, if that makes sense. My DH just speaks some of the time in French to them a few times per week but it is whole phrases/sentences rather than individual words so it is more natural. They pick it up over time, especially if they also visit the country and make friends of the same age. Good luck.

I kind of gave up with my dc because I was only doing what you're doing. I wasn't prepared to do OPOL, and I felt a bit like anything less wasn't worth it (I don't think this now!). However, what I will say is that once they started learning the language properly at secondary school, they have noticeably better accents than their peers, which I guess is mainly from hearing me use it with friends and at work. They're not any further ahead in terms of grammar, and their vocab is patchy so although they might know some more words that others in the class don't, it's not consistent across the topics that are taught.

If I were to start again, I would make much more of an effort to use the other language consistently from a very young age. I still wouldn't do OPOL - because I feel more comfortable in English and I don't know things like nursery rhymes in my other language - but I would try to use the second language as much as possible. And I would make more effort to get books, films, music etc. in the other langauge.

That’s what I’m thinking - I’m not a native speaker myself so they will never be bilingual, but I think if I can teach them something I really should try. I feel like mostly people do OPOL and full bilingualism or nothing at all, but there has to be something in between.

Grandad was posted in the army in Hanover in Germany, mum lived there for 15 years.

they moved back to the UK at some point and when I came along, German was regularly spoken in the house, we even had German Satellite TV channels so i'd get to watch Tom and Jerry in German.

Now, i'm absolutely not fluent, but if people speak slowly enough I can usually work out what they're saying; I understand more than I speak though, so I couldn't have a conversation with someone.

Yes, it's definitely worth a try, especially since both parents speak Spanish (this wasn't the case with me). I would try to use it as much as you can. Maybe look out for a meet-up for other Spanish-speaking families in the area. Just give it a go and don't be disheartened when they're not immediately chatting away in Spanish!

You can try to sell it (especially with the older one) as being like a secret code: like a spy they'll be able to understand what other people are saying, and be able to communicate with you without their friends knowing what's happening (N.B. - I absolutely would not rely on this as an adult! There are far too many stories of people assuming the other people around them couldn't understand the shit they were talking; always assume that what you are saying in public can be heard and understood!)

People (ideally) pick up a second language like how we all learn our first language as infants: lots of exposure to the sounds first. Then attempts to copy the sounds. Then reading. Then finally producing writing. It's unfortunate that we don't have the time to do that in schools, but it is the most effective way for long-term learning. So don't give up, do keep talking to them.

DH is from Southern Europe, and we decide before DS was born that we wanted him to be bilingual . I've been taking language classes to polish up my speaking skills, and at home we speak DH's language 80-90% of the time. DS is 2 now, and is completely bilingual (up to the typical vocabulary of a 2 yr old).

I spoke 4 languages before age 4 (fairly typical for where I grew up). It now helps me learn a new language pretty quickly. If DS can speak 2, that helps him out in the future. (BTW I'm fully aware it's easy to veer into Helicopter mom/Tiger mom mode here, so DH and I police ourselves often about what we want vs what DS wants.)

To answer OP's question, yes I think we have taught him a 2nd language? (TBD when he gets older 😂).

No experience of fluency here. But i am amazed at how well one of my teens is doing at teaching French to her 7 year old brother , doing duolingo French every morning. She does it before school, and because its on the tablet and fun sounding, he has got hooked in now and cares passionately about his streak. I'm sure he won't get too far, but I do wish my older kids had done this as if he doesn't get bored, he will have a good range of vocab before starting secondary. And the teen is top of her class due to her duolingo addiction! (It really helps that he doesn't really go on the tablet for anything else, and regards it as a treat before school...)

Great advice from @Radio4andChocolate. Many of the bilingual from childhood people I know had both parents who spoke to them in their native language in a country that spoke a different one. So a home language and a school language. They say it takes a whole village to raise a child and I would say also to learn a second language .
One of my three AC is bilingual, one gets along alright in both , the third can't be bothered.

I encourage you OP to speak as often as possible with your partner at home in the target language. And don't let discouragement stop you.

Absolutely yes, my son is fluent in his home country language and English, I speak mostly English to him and his kindergarten and school have talked to him constantly in their language. At first he preferred to talk English and then at about 3 years old he chooses to talk mainly his homeland language

As a child, I learned some second language skills from my parents. They bought me many children's picture books in that language and we would read them together, we also watched films and tv programmes spoken in that language.

To what extent does hearing your parents speak the language help? I mean if they are talking to each other, not to the child.

I would speak to them in Spanish at home and when there are no non Spanish speakers around, (at least 50% of time e.g. Tuesday , Thursday and weekends or after 5pm every day) and have some TV shows they can watch in Spanish and some books in Spanish. Keep speaking to them in Spanish, even if they continue to reply in English.

I suppose I’m not really talking about this scenario, where a parent is a native speaker and raises the kid from birth in that language.

I’m talking about teaching monolingual kids a language the parent speaks fluently (but is not a native speaker). I’m getting the message that one word at a time is not the way! Completely makes sense to me but I suppose I was doing that because that’s how languages are taught in schools: long lists of vocabulary. Why are schools doing this if it’s not the best way to learn?

It’s difficult for me and more so for my DH, because English does feel more natural to us, so naturally we slip back into it. But maybe it’s just developing the habit.

Schools (in England) do it because of time constraints and the need to demonstrate progress. Oh, and I don't actually know who decides the curriculum, but I would be willing to bet it includes people who are not MFL pedagogical experts and who just want to reproduce something that seems to produce some results, regardless of whether it's the best way to achieve real fluency or not.

If you only have 1-2 hours a week to teach a language, then you can't afford to wait for children to pick it up naturally. And if you need to have something demonstrable to show Ofsted then you can't afford for pupils to spend the first 3 years listening with no writing.

And all that's without the reality that languages in primary (and sometimes in secondary) are mostly taught by non-specialists who just need to get through the curriculum and tick the boxes. Quite often they don't actually speak the language themselves very well, sometimes not even to GCSE level.

What schools do is break things down into discrete topics and help children to get the required vocab and grammar to get through each topic, and if they're gifted linguists then they should gradually be able to apply the learning in different situations (in a specific order, in case your interested: noun substitution comes first, verbs are a step up etc.). What parents do is introduce a language naturally, with implicit grammar and vocab which is repeated in different situations. The child has to gradually make connections in their head to see how it all fits together. It takes longer but builds more 'networks' for each word and phrase, so they are more deeply rooted. Parents may also choose to teach explicit grammar, at a later stage, to consolidate what the child already knows instinctively (this is especially helpful in e.g. French, where the verb endings can sound similar but be spelled differently).

TL;DR version: schools do what they have to with the time available. This doesn't mean parents should imitate it if they're not under the same constraints!

OP, so the second language you and your DH speak is not your native language? That will be tough. You will have to be very disciplined.

As I said earlier, it works best if it is the other way around. It is better to speak your own native language to your child. They will automatically pick up the local language through school, whether you speak it or not .

You can try to add a language, though it is like swimming against the tide. I personally gave up speaking my native language when noone in the family wanted to because it can be isolating. It is a bit a battle of wills sometimes. And you must be consistent for at least 20 years.

A language is not just a language, it is an entire culture.

I grew up speaking two languages and it was the case that we spoke one language 100% of the time with one parent and the other 100% of the time with the other. But it had to be constant.

Friends of ours moved from Europe with 7 and 8 year olds who spoke no English. They started English school and parents spoke English out of convenience and by 11 and 12 they could no longer speak their mother language that they'd exclusively spoken before. Consistency really is key.

We have a similar problem.

Me and dh live in country A. Dc speaks language A fluently. However, DC's first language (now very basic knowledge of it, getting worse) was B. B is a dialect his grandparents speak. DC's aunties speak language B (grandparents' dialect) but mixed up with words from language C (country of their residence). So they struggle speaking just B with dc.

Me and dh speak language C between ourselves, as our everyday language, we use language A with dc, and language B with grandparents.

Both aunties and grandparents are disappointed with not being able to have a good conversation with dc. We've decided to focus on teaching him language C now, as language B, being just a dialect, feels very restrictive - hard to explain more complex/ abstract ideas (hence why the aunties mix up with other language).

We also try and make sure DC's main language A (not native to us) is at a very good level so as to not hinder him at school.

Sounds very complicated, but I was brought up with two languages and went on to learn a couple more later, so hopefully we will get there.

Following the thread for tips/ other experiences.

A overseas colleague who is not a native English speaker but speaks fluently does this with her child, but she follows the OPOL approach and only speaks English with the child and not her native language. Her husband speaks the native language with the child. I don't think it works with just occasional usage.

I'm a secondary school languages teacher and did not do this with my dc even though I speak French and German pretty fluently and Spanish conversationally. Rightly or wrongly, I felt that I'd either need to speak the foreign language to them all the time (which would have felt unnatural as a native English-speaker) or just settle for trying to instill a general enthusiasm for language in them, which is what I tried to do. There's also the danger of actually putting them off it if they don't like you speaking to them in another language

Mine are 16 and 18 now. Both are very good at Spanish. Ds doing GCSE and dd now doing Spanish and Linguistics at university. Dd and I have spoken lots of Spanish together over the last few years because we both enjoy it. Ds doesn't really like doing that, even though he's good at it!