No confidence with people or friends

[SunnyAmberSnake]

Hi, just feeling abit fed up really for months now... well, this has been going on alot longer than months really. And i just need to offload. Please can i ask that anyone who replys does so kindly. I literally have no friendships with anyone, don't even have a best friend. I would say my best friend is my 6 year old daughter. Which I am so proud to say but also feel so heartbroken I don't have my own 'life' anymore, and it feels like that part of my life will get worse as I have a 2nd baby on the way.

I really struggle with my confidence around people I know because of this and i fear rejection if I even consider the thought of reaching out to people to meet or to chat etc... I feel as though if unless I ever made the effort to contact someone 1st the effort would never be returned, so I admit I have stepped back now from doing it.

To add to this, when i go into work my colleagues exclude me from their conversations & theyd meet up outside of work (which is totally fine & their own choice out of work) but will then continually talk about it when I'm standing there or discuss things between them that I have no idea about because they haven't told me or included me in their previous conversations. I feel as though im not liked enough or something. if I ever try to join in or say things, im lucky if i even get a response. It really makes me feel crap & it just reminds me of school days cause it's the type of behaviour that happened back then. Very 'mean girl' behaviours.
A major thing thats happened recently that's really affected my confidence, was a mum who I knew via my dd since Nursery days & into the start of Primary school (kids are in the same class) - there were always texts & messages to meet up etc or have play dates at eachothers houses, then slowly the contact started to dwindle away, even though I'd made the efforts to mention once or twice maybe about meeting etc - next thing i noticed, over the summer hols I seen on her social media pics of her with another parent & their daughter from the childs class out doing things together, having her round to the house for drinks, etc. This started happening very frequently. My 1st thought was "OK, iv clearly been dropped..." and sort of since then, theres been no contact or conversation at school or anything. Quite sad really as I'd thought she was a nice person & our daughters are both still great friends which I'm happy about. It's just the mum and the way she's changed. At xmas I had enough having to see it online so I ended up removing her off my social media, as we don't keep in touch anymore and it was a constant reminder every time I seen the posts. Ive been having this rolling out in my head for months & I'm constantly left wondering is it me.. everyone hates me..it's something I'm doing wrong. I'm actually so sick of feeling like this, it's affecting my life so much.
Has anyone felt this way or experiencing something like this?

I suspect you have social anxiety. You need to organise counselling for yourself. Being your DD’s best friend is not a healthy dynamic, especially as you age.

Agree with PP, and would add, do you have any interests or hobbies you could do in a group? That gives a focus of something to talk about when meeting.

Yeah I think I do have social anxiety because of things like this that have happened to me. The world feels like a lonely place right now. I don't see how being best friends with my daughter is unhealthy though, most mums and daughters have a close relationship generally though? I just meant it in the sense that I'm with her alot of the time & she's my friend, if anything she's shown me more qualities of a friendship than anyone has ever over the last few years.

Being best friends with a child is potentially trouble because it blurs boundaries. A parent needs to parent, not be one of the child's mates.

Why not try with other school mums? Not just focus on one. Or join a running club or book club or something. It's not easy but the more you put yourself out there the better you'll feel.

Yeah I understand that, although the boundaries are not blurred. I think your reply isn't related to what my post is actually about.

No, my reply was in response to your question about why you shouldn't be your daughter's best friend, not your initial question. For that, Incan only repeat what I said initially - I agree that therapy for your social anxiety might help, and suggest hobby groups if you have hobbies of that sort. I found a knitting group a good way to make casual friendships, though I don't have any anxiety to deal with, so that much is different. Anyway, best of luck with whatever approach you take.

In the nicest possible way, you need to be more proactive. You say people at work ‘exclude’ you from out of work things, but, if you like them, have you ever suggested meeting outside of work? (And if they’re not nice people, surely you don’t want to see them in your free time, anyway?) And you seem to see having ‘suggested maybe meeting up’ to the formerly friendly mother as you having made an effort, but it’s hardly much of an effort. It just sounds like you’ve drifted, and, not unreasonably, she’s exploring other friendships.That doesn’t make her in any way ‘not nice’. She’s just living her life. If your daughter still likes hers, ask the child over for a play date.

Have you tried therapy to think about where your fear of rejection comes from?

OP have you considered you might be autistic? I'm not saying this flippantly, I've worked in the field for 20 years and I think your story sounds like many autistic women I know