To charge DD21 rent when she moves back?

[SummerCam73]

My DD who is 21 has finished uni and has told me she's moving back home in a couple of weeks.

She has accomodation at uni but its only 30 mins away so often comes backwards and forwards but have never charged her over the past 3 years.

Im a single parent and think I will need to start charging her, even though I dont want to.

IS this unreasonable and how much is acceptable?

If she's earning and has a job then yes she should be paying something towards the running of the house. Maybe not full rent (she needs to be able to save up so she can move out permanently after all) but a couple of hundred pounds a month definitely.

Is this a surprise? Did you not know she was moving back? She hasn’t given you much notice.

If you need the money then of course she should pay.

I am from an Asian family and we don’t tend to charge kids rent if we can afford not to. So I wouldn’t charge my kids if they were otherwise responsible and looking for work post uni etc. But that’s my choice.

If she has a income yes she absolutely should be paying rent

There are many threads on here where adult dcs have moved home and not contributed to rent causing all sorts of problems when expectations
were not set out clearly at the start.
Do have a discussion with them to establish the expectation that they should contribute when earning.

I think £250/300 a month is adequate if in full time work obviously this won't work if she's part time hell wish i could live in my house for this money I pay £800 in rent lol

It won’t help her to get used to feeling like her salary goes further than it actually does.

She either needs to commit to putting away a rent equivalent into savings each month or she needs to pay that amount to you. Which path you take depends on her personality and the financial needs of the household. If she does pay the money to you, if you can afford to put a portion into savings for her, that would be ideal.

My children started paying housekeeping once they had a full-time job. My youngest who is still at uni doesn't pay yet. Yes OP, if she is working she should be contributing. My DS2 pays £300 per month. He has just offered me an extra £40 per month as he wants some specific expensive food. You need to sit down and work out what is reasonable.

My daughter is working and pays £300 a month in rent. We think it’s really important that she has to budget for things. We are in a position that we don’t need the money so are saving it for her (she doesn’t know this!) and will give it back when she is trying to buy a place of her own.

She has accomodation at uni

Is she giving up this accommodation?

Is she moving home F/T or just visiting home?

Yes, definitely as you will have extra costs. Also have a chat and agree the split of housework and expectations around communication on whereabouts and guests. If she doesn't have a job yet, also agree that she gets a temp job while applying for a graduate role.

In short be clear about anything that might drive you nuts in future, a bit like you would with a lodger. She may be your daughter, but you should both be clear that the ground rules have shifted now she is an adult who is out of full time education and now responsible for herself.

No, I’d never charge my DD rent. But I would expect she pays half the bills if she’s employed, help with food shopping, cleaning etc. The thing is, when discussing this, she was adamant she’d pay me rent, knowing it’ll only come back to her when she moves out, in form of a very tidy lump sum which gained some interest too.

My thinking is: I’m not here to prove to DD that life as an adult is hard, she’s finding this out all by herself, I’m here to support her and love her.

Did she give you reason to think that she wouldn’t be coming home after leaving uni? It’s probably wishful thinking but I’ll be expecting mine back unless they tell me otherwise. If you need to charge her then you need to charge her but I’d try and allow a little time for her to secure a graduate role if she hasn’t already.

£300 - £400 full board every month seems acceptable as long as she’s working. Agree with others about setting out your stall from the very beginning - there’s been plenty of threads on here where the parents haven’t set out expectations at the start which has caused problems and stress.

She is finishing uni, so won't get to stay.

OP has she got a job?

I like this idea! I would love to see your daughters reaction when she finds out you have saved the money for her, that is so sweet!