I have no real friends

[KhakiGirl]

It just makes me feel so sad and I don’t know if I’m being dramatic. I am 26.

I thought I had two best friends. But I clearly don’t, and I genuinely don’t hear from anyone first EVER. If I don’t text anyone, I don’t see anyone.

I recently went travelling for a few months. I barely heard from best friend 1 (let’s call her S). When I came home, I saw S was in my area (she doesn’t live here anymore). 6 months of being away, and she didn’t even try to see me when she’s down the road.
I texted her asking how long she is down for. I heard nothing despite her posting stories all weekend.
I texted again 3 days later saying “fair enough”. She replied instantly and apologised, and asked how I was. She didn’t acknowledge this though, and just started talking about a guy she was seeing.
I gave up replying and now haven’t heard from her for months.

Best friend 2, let’s call her F. Shes terrible at replying but we met up a few weeks ago. She said how much she missed me, how keen she is for double dates, and we both opened up to each other about recent struggles. It was so lovely and I felt so close to her.
Did I hear a word from her afterwards? No. 5 weeks passed so I texted her asking how she is. I got an instant reply saying she’s good, how am I. I said I was sad I hadn’t heard from her in ages and she said “oh sorry I was busy yesterday” ??
I am so sick of not hearing from people until I reach out.

I’m just so fed up. I’ve never felt so lonely. I genuinely don’t hear from anyone until I reach our first. I can’t even be bothered to try and make new friends at this age.

I hope I’m not alone ☹️

Sorry you feel lonely. This sounds a lot like many of my friendships, I organise most meetings and we have fairly limited text conversations in between (largely because I really don't like having long conversations via message). But I'm a few years older than you, am married with a kid and have about 6 "good" friends - no "best" friend- but even if I meet up with one friend each weekend, it still takes over a month before I see each one again, some longer, some less.

I think your problem is you're expecting more from these "best" friends than they can offer- do they have lots going on with boyfriends, work, family- do they have wider friendship circles than you? I think lots of people find friendships shift in your mid 20s away from very close friendships as other things take priority in lots of people's lives.

If I were you, I'd try to make more friends, while keeping these friendships going, to take the pressure off each specific person.

I wouldn’t worry too much - I’m sure they consider you as a best friend as much as you do them. People are often just wrapped up in their own lives and forget to text friends back for a few days (I know I do that all the time!). Try not to stress about it!

Do these friends consider you their best friends? It doesn't sound like they do. The friends I consider my closest friends probably have other closer friends but the friends I have now make the same effort with me that I make with them. I simply don't keep making an effort with people who don't reciprocate.

I think it comes down to finding good friends. I have made some good friends since by children were born and also got closer to some friends who were more peripheral friends.

Do you do any activities or can you do something that would enable you to make friends? Any local running groups, book club or WI? Anyone at work you gel with who you could go out for lunch with?

I’m sorry you feel lonely. I was the same at your age. I think it is an age when you drift apart from old friendships naturally. I remember hearing the term “quarter life crisis” and it resonated with me at the time. It’s reassuring that you have just been away travelling. Keep doing the things you love and you will make new friends.

You can make new friends at literally any age. You’re only 26, don’t limit yourself to just the people you’ve know since school. Spread your wings, branch out and meet some new people

Neither do I, why do you think I hang out in this shit hole! lol.

Where (roughly) are you based, geographically, op?
I was going to suggest hobby groups. They are much more productive (in more than one way!) than sedentary friendships.
But we've all been there, and these are learning experiences. Please get active - it's good in itself, plus you meet new people.

You're not alone OP. I have similar with a couple of friendships. The comments from other posters are right- a good approach is trying to make new connections to take the pressure / importance off these ones, as they obviously aren't as fulfilling as you'd like them to be. I have an old friend who is just an atrocious communicator; to free myself from getting annoyed or feeling bad about it I've just accepted it's how she is and focused on trying to make new connections.