Hi so this is about the fact I have difficult mother and therefore have a strained relationship? Don’t get me wrong I love DM to bits but she can be hard work. I thought it was just me who thought so and assumed it was me in that I don’t have much patience but my Dsis has to bite her tongue a lot too with DM and has said she’s getting worse with age. Now you could kind of understand it if our DM was old old (not saying all elderly people are awkward though) but she’s 63 years of age!
I feel like I cannot have a normal conversation with her and that I often have to mask and force it. I haven’t told her about my adhd/autism diagnosis which I got 4 years ago as it would be to much like hard work in that I think she’d somehow manage to turn it around to her and possibly accuse me of thinking that I blame her for missing it when I was a child. She is very doom and gloom and rarely has anything positive to say and I’m sad to say some of that rubbed off on me as a child and so as an adult I have to work at being more positive eg around my DC as I don’t want to be that way.
My DM does have some medical issues and in the past she’s had a lot to deal with but in the last few years she’s been a lot better yet she still moans about every single minor ailment. I can’t say I don’t feel well eg with a headache as she will say she has one too and make out it’s worse. My Dsis and her DH have also commented how she does the same to them and how it’s so frustrating. I’ve always felt a little like the black sheep of the family and even now at age 40 I don’t know who I am and it makes me feel sad that I have to hide my struggles from my family especially from my DM but I have no choice as she’ll either not understand or she’ll make out her own situation is worse. It’s like it’s a race to the bottom which I find really wired.
My DM is also rather anxious in that she’s very upright and has to have things just so and that has made me anxious all my life. She’s still this way now and can’t just let go and have fun/relax. This last year I’ve spent less time with her overall as I find my mood changes when she’s so negative all the time and on the rare occasion I open up about something in my life I feel like she turns it around to herself and that my feelings aren’t validated. Like I said I do love her and I feel guilty that I find her hard work but what can I do? She isn’t going to change anytime soon as she has very little self awareness so I guess I just have to suffer in silence.