Friend finds it odd I told him about crush

[Kenny876]

I have a male friend at work I've known for around 7 months. We talk very often in and out of work and we've shared personal info, I'd consider him a friend as opposed to just a colleague.

It has never been anything other than platonic at all. He's been clear on that and I've not been interested in that with him anyway.

I have recently liked someone, I did get a vibe from him and we have chatted a little but I found out he's married. It's a little disappointing but it's life and at least he's being faithful to his wife.

I told my friend and he was a bit like 'Ermm ok it's weird you're telling me that."

I felt embarrassed, he's told me about exes and stuff as have I. I thought he was a friend I could tell things, I didn't think such a topic was off limits.

Wibu to mention this? Sometimes if I like someone I talk about it with a friend or two, I thought that was normal no?

I think it’s quite a telling response, because it suggests he thinks that you telling him about being attracted to someone else feels to him as if you’re dissing him by friendzoning him. To him, it’s slightly insulting that you find another man attractive and not him.

I’d assume this friendship was unlikely to last, or would last only while you’re single.

I see what you mean, however he's dropped plenty of hints to suggest I'm only a friend and so I feel that he's got no right to be funny about it.

He probably doesn't just see you as a friend, he enjoyed flirting with you and imagining you have a thing for him, and now you've burst his bubble. Time to cool the "friendship"

Sounds like he likes talking about himself more than listening to you…

Maybe, we've never flirted to my knowledge, we joke and have a laugh but there's never been any sort of sexual comment or innuendo from him, trying to think of one but I cant.

Could he be gay?

No he's straight :) well I assume so as he's only dated women

He absolutely has no right, you’re quite right! But I think a certain kind of person gets off on the idea, which may be entirely baseless, that if they allowed it, you’d be flinging your knickers at them. It’s a kind of abstract ego boost. And you (entirely reasonably) making it clear you are attracted to someone else, and confiding in him about it, as though he wasn’t also A Man, makes him feel emasculated. The twit.

Ignore, but at the same time, I’d not get too emotionally involved in the friendship.

Yep I would agree with @Divilabit

I had a male friend who felt the need to make absolutely certain I knew he didn't fancy me, who got very offended when I started dating someone else.

I think he liked the idea that I was pining for him, and if only he would lower himself to be interested in me I would throw myself at him

I think someone who feels the need to make the point that they aren't interested in you that strongly is probably using it to neg you.

Maybe he doesn’t think of you as a as much of a friend as you do him? Sounds like he’s ok with general people outside of work, maybe it’s the work aspect that’s making him feel uncomfortable.

Maybe, but he's told me about dating and personal stuff so I didn't think he'd mind if I did too.

🤔Is he thinking it's diminishing his masculinity to hear about something like that? That that's something you should have kept for "the girls"??? Is he generally a bit like that?

Isn’t he saying that it’s weird for you to tell him you have a crush on this person because the person is married? I’d think it was a bit weird if a friend told me she fancied a married bloke tbh.

No, I think @MrsJackThornton and I have both had the same experience, or seen other people have it. The male friend whose masculinity is (possibly largely unconsciously) propped on the idea that, if only he’d allow it, you’d be weak for him. When you are saying ‘Phwoar, the new bloke in IT is fit! I wonder if he’s single?’ his poor, brushed-aside manhood shrivels and falls off.

(I mean, I have lots of perfectly normal male friends, but this is a subtype I’m familiar with…)

I think she fancied him before discovering he was married, and is resigned now she knows he’s unavailable.

Yes indeed, I've backed off since discovering he's married. Ahh well if he's funny then it's his problem.

Does he think this is the kind of topic people only chat about with their gay, male friend?

Probably 🤣

I'd think the opposite and just sees you as a colleague and is kinda being rude as in I don't care why are you telling me

Similar to @MrsJackThornton , I was friends with someone who told me directly just how much he didn't fancy me, I was just a friend etc

Then got really offended when I started going out with someone!

It's mad isn't it. It happened to me twice in my 20s, two men rejected me (once they'd had what they wanted) then literally raged and sulked when they found out about other men. Pathetic.