Am I being precious or is this actually the right thing to do? (Childcare)

[hangerba]

Dd 19 months. I’ve worked part time 3 days a week up until now. I’ve loved the extra time with her. I’ve got to go up to 4 days a week in July and I’m so sad about it. It means she will only have Wednesday off with me. I’m a lone parent and have no choice really financially (other than using my savings) but to up my hours to four days. I thought I would feel totally fine about it but I feel really sad and wasn’t expecting to feel this way. I’m now worried im doing the wrong thing. I could use more savings to plug the gap for longer but then I start to feel stressed. I’m so confused/sad

Op could have a 100 grand in savings or 5 grand.

Would your work let you go back 4 days a little later?

Can you come to a compromise at all?

How have you been surviving on 3 days, are you using savings now?

Could it be 3 5 days?

As pp said you can always make more money but you can't get time back.
However, it all rests on you. I would see if a compromise could be had.

The anticipation is usually worse than the reality. Don't burn through extra time off now, go to work while nursery is there to give her consistency and support, and take any extra time off when she starts school instead. It'll come round quicker than you think.

Even on a nursery day she'll have 14 hours or so with you. OK so she'll be asleep for some of it (safe in her own bed, at home) but mornings and evenings are not nothing.

My DC loved nursery. If she is settled and happy thats all that matters.

Think of it as two days, then a break, another two days, then the weekend. Not so bad. Also, you are probably making pension contributions too and will be able to provide more for your DD. I would be really proud of that if I were you.

@Votersswing i have 60k savings but my mortgage is 1,800 a month so there’s a lot of pressure, which is where my concern comes from. I just don’t know what is best for her

I've said this on MN a lot but here goes again. It's not just about what's best for her, it's about what's best for the family unit that keeps her warm, safe and fed. You are on your own with no support and have done brilliantly to manage four days a week at home until now. Well done, it's hard and you've sacrificed.

But as you say, as sole breadwinner you HAVE to have a buffer of savings. You can't spend them now because that's not best for the long-term security of the family unit. So you need to extend your hours again. And that's OK. Your dd will continue to thrive because her family unit is continuing to thrive.

That’s a good amount of savings if you feel bad I would def say postpone increasing days.

is there any work you could do from home in evenings or anything like that to make some more money and not have to do the additional day at nursery it might be worth having a look for something

I did 4 days from going back to work when DD was 9 months old and the “more days in nursery than out” never occurred to me as an issue. I’m sure you’ll miss your extra day with her but I don’t feel it’s worth putting yourself in a difficult financial position for. To be honest it’s now that she’s at school that it would be easier for me to work fewer hours!

Why no maintenance? Give them a call and get that sorted!

I always remember my mum saying when I went down to 4 days after my son was born ' they won't remember'
Tbh I think that holds true...
I became a sahm after my second for a few years and did lots of activities with them both outdoor and indoor. When questioned as young adults they seem to remember very little of all the lovely things we did.

None of my kids even remembers nursery, I wish I hadn’t have wasted my energy feeling guilty. They are both perfectly well adjusted teens / adults

Literally just posted and said the same. Mine don’t remember nursery, glad I didn’t give up my job and good pension!

And then until march and then until summer…

Just do it OP. He is cared for and happy, and in a routine.

I don't think you should deplete your savings. I mean even if you did that you'd still eventually end up back at work 4 days a week. As a single parent it is really important you have a financial cushion. Children are expensive and get more expensive as they get older. You are going to still have 3 whole days a week with your child to do things. I feel that children need you more when they're a bit older and a bit more communicative. I am fairly sure that mine don't dwell or even remember going to childcare as toddlers. Yes, it is a bit galling that they don't remember the nice outings etc.

Why is the father getting out of maintenance? I mean he might not want to have anything to do with his daughter but he should be paying maintenance. It shouldn't all be on you.

Well done re your savings. That’s a really good security blanket and one day you will be grateful for it. But not now. You are amazing bring a child up solely in your own whilst working, building up a pension. What a great role model you are to your child. Do not question the four days - you are going your best. My children attended some childcare. You know what neither of them can remember it. They remember the fantastic long camping holidays we had in Europe, and now love travelling themselves. I’m so proud of them.

How happy is dd going to nursery? If she's happy and doesn't have a problem with 3 days then going to 4 is quite a small step. She's already used to doing two days in a row I assume so I don't think it will feel too much different to her.

You're dong your very best OP with little support so try not to worry.

Assuming she does long days, that's 40 hours a week in nursery, but 128 hours a week with you! 😊
And yes, you can count the nights because waking up but mummy is there is important.

Thanks everyone. I think it’s more that I have nobody to bounce the idea off… I’m making big decisions but without anyone else’s view. I was really confident about the four days a week but now it’s nearly here I’m obsessing about it! I agree with a poster that two sets of two days won’t feel much different to dd.. that does make me feel better :)

And yes she does seem to like nursery but it’s very busy and I know she isn’t getting focused time.

Why don't you see it instead that she only spends two days at a time away from you?

YANBU but I think you will both soon get into the new routine and will still have three days together.