I don't really have a relationship with my husband's family. I'm seven years younger than him, and we got together when I was fresh out of University. I was seen as the baby.
I married DH and have been in the family for ten years (dating to married).
Here is the issue:
A big birthday of mine was this year. I invited everyone. My eldest BIL and middle BIL blew up my and DH's phones because I was having a birthday party on MIL's birthday. Her birthday is after mine and the birthday party was on a weekend. This was the only weekend near my birthday we could do due to DH working shifts and my parents still working.
We got called a bunch of awful names and told that we HAD to change the date. Now, I have sacrificed days out, had my birthday ignored, and generally been forgotten for ten years because MIL's birthday is days after mine. I put my foot down this year, and DH stood up for me.
FIL stopped it by saying that he and MIL were away for her BDAY anyway, so the rest of the family could go to my party. Did they? Nope. My husband's entire family ignored my birthday and the party. No one mentioned it again but expected me to attend a meal out for MIL.
Would I be petty if I refused to attend any future events DH's family does? Why should I have to go to their events if they ignore mine? Also, my eldest BIL didn't bring my nephew to my DS party last year, either.
I don't mind my DH going to the events if he wants to, but I'm not going to try anymore with a family that didn't accept me until I gave them my DS. I wasn't in the family bible, called aunt, etc., until I birthed my DS.