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Original poster

Is this lying to me or am I overreacting?

18 replies

Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 13:06

Hey.
My husband has always been a "weed smoker", I don't do it myself neither do I drink but I've never judged him in it as long as he can afford to do it. Over the past couple of weeks he has decreased his usage and told me once it's finished he's done. I was actually feeling quite proud of him, he even mentioned a few days ago he was nearly out and didn't care. Today I decided to have a look for myself because it really should have run out by now, I found what looks like a recent purchase of more of it. I hate lies, he knows this. I've not told him I know yet, seriously thinking about flushing it down the toilet. Seeing as he's not ment to have much left anymore anyway he can't really say anything to me anyway can he. I'm really fed up with the white lies honestly.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 29/05/2024 13:08

Drug Addict Lies is hardly front page news, OP.

Now you have proof that he's lying, what are you going to do about it?

Original poster
Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 13:12

The thing is there is no need to lie, if he told me I'd be disappointed but it's not like it's new news. It's the deciding to lie that's the problem and that's what I'm trying to decide.

OP posts:
Amx · 29/05/2024 13:13

He quite clearly can't stop so bought more.

Hugosmaid · 29/05/2024 13:17

Lying is a BIG problem in a relationship. The little white lies quietly hacked away at my respect and trust towards my ex DH.

White lies can turn in to big whipping lies when they see you dont do anything about the little white lies.

People lie because they are too weak to reveal their true self and to manipulate you in to a situation they feel comfortable in.

You won’t do anything about it at this stage OP but you will now be aware that he is quite comfortable misleading you - the rot will set in

Original poster
Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 13:20

Well I've flushed it down the toilet so we will see if he asks me about it. The white lies are the bigger issue for me and you're right they do start to rot.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 29/05/2024 13:50

I remember I did the same when I decided to stop smoking (cigarettes), Then I'd have the dread realisation that I needed it, I wanted to smoke, that I wasn't hurting anyone, I was fine to smoke.... and so on. Until I actually stopped. With lots of work and support

What I'm trying to say is addiction...

You can be all passive aggressive and flush it down the loo, which as you probably know will cause arguments, their denial, the resulting aggression and in reality will resolve sweet fk all... or you can do something helpful like try to address the addiction and help them get clean, admittedly it's not hard drugs luke heroin but it's addictive.

Bingbangboom1 · 29/05/2024 16:02

Maybe he doesn't actually want to stop but feels pressured by you to stop.

Ellie1015 · 29/05/2024 16:09

Sounds like he intended to stop and gave into temptation. Hardly counts as a lie and not really unexpected. I would be glad he wants to stop and trying to encourage/support.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/05/2024 16:12

I'd say either it bothers you he smokes or it doesn't. Ignore him claiming he's quitting or has quit and don't believe it or need to believe it.
You'll know when he really does, if it happens.
He may have good intentions to try and stop which is nice, but don't pin your hopes on it.

AffIt · 29/05/2024 16:16

I'll be completely honest, I went through a couple of permutations of this when I was stopping smoking (which my non-smoking DH LOATHED).

I know for a fact he found a couple of 'accidental' packets of fags in my pockets or what have you when I was going through the process, but he never mentioned it: what really mattered was the positive reinforcement he gave me (I'm so proud of you, you're doing so well, I know this is hard but you're getting there etc).

I haven't smoked for 12+ years now and a lot of that is down to his support.

It is, of course, completely up to you to set your boundaries, but overcoming addiction is difficult and support is key.

Original poster
Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 17:38

I never asked him to but seeing as he's unemployed it's my money being used.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 17:39

It's financialy crippling to me when I'm the soul earner at the moment.

OP posts:
Dakotabluebell · 29/05/2024 17:46

Yes he's lying to you. Spending your money on his drugs and lying to you about it.

thisraincangetfucked · 29/05/2024 18:15

Don't let him have any money if he can't be trusted.

Ellie1015 · 30/05/2024 21:20

Big drip feed there. The original post was about him lying. He wasn't.

Using your money especially when unafforable is obv not acceptable but a completely different issue.

Sue152 · 30/05/2024 21:24

Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 17:38

I never asked him to but seeing as he's unemployed it's my money being used.

In that case i wouldn't have flushed it as it's wasting your money even more. But I'd be telling him that that's his lot and I'm not paying for any more of his drugs. (Although personally I wouldn't be with someone who smoked weed in the first place).

RogueFemale · 30/05/2024 21:28

Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 17:39

It's financialy crippling to me when I'm the soul earner at the moment.

Yet you say in your first post I've never judged him in it as long as he can afford to do it.

Now it turns out you're paying for it. Just stop giving money to him. And hope he doesn't mug someone to pay for his habit.

Clueless2024 · 30/05/2024 21:49

Hailstorm84 · 29/05/2024 13:20

Well I've flushed it down the toilet so we will see if he asks me about it. The white lies are the bigger issue for me and you're right they do start to rot.

I bet he won't ask about it. But he will buy more & change his hiding spot!

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