Please give me tips on making life easier as a young family

[SearchingDory]

We are a young family of 3 soon going to be 4. Me and DH work full-time and DC1 is 2 years old and in nursery 4 days a week term time only. We don't have any family around to help with childcare. I am also doing a masters from work hence have DC at home once a week and get some studies done in the evening or weekends. I am currently pregnant baby 2 expected in September.
I am finding it all too tiring both physically and mentally. DS is awake from 5 in the morning and does a nap for 2 hours and goes to bed at 8PM. I take annual leaves to look after him during school holidays. I will be taking maternity leaves from September and after that DC2 will be starting nursery.
My challenge is that we are finding our days are very busy constantly juggling work, childcare and life admin chores. DH works all the days and is self employed so doesn't get any annual leave. He does bed time for DS but he struggles to wake up in the morning so I am the one who does all morning wake ups. We have been having lots of arguments because I feel constantly tired and I feel I need more support but it's what it is at this point.
I am worried about how hard things will get with 2 kids when we are already struggling with looking after 1.
DH helps with doing laundry and dishwashing and we have a robovac for cleaning.
I am looking for tips on how we can make our lives easier.

Also, winters have been dreadful with constant nursery illnesses, so any tips around managing that will be very helpful.

Bump

You have a lot on your plate. When does your masters finish? Can you pause it?

I’m wondering if you are a teacher if you’re term time only?

There's no easy answer, but this is a relatively short period of your life. Love your immediate family and do what's best for both them and you.
I would consider discussing with your boss as to if you could go part time for a couple of years. OH will be feeling the pressure of running a business and caring for you.
Look at your household as if it was someone other than yourself and think how you wittier advise.
I think the reduced hours may be a way to consider

I think you need to insist on (at least)one morning a week where you can lie in. You’re pregnant, working full time and doing all the wake ups. He needs to go to bed early one night and do the wake up the following morning. How can he see the current state of play as fair. I’d raise the roof over this. If you could catch up on sleep that will help. Also the masters…

Everything else is just tweaking around the edges IMO.

@redfacebigdisgrace I am trying to finish it this year September before going on maternity leaves. The dissertation might be left if the baby arrives early, which I will have to do when I come back from maternity.

@redfacebigdisgrace I am not a teacher but work in public sector.

Good luck @SearchingDory you sound like you’re doing an amazing job. I think sit down with your husband and have a heart to heart. It sounds like he’s working hard too. I do think he needs to get up more with your toddler though. You need to tell him you’re struggling.

Thanks for all the suggestions. Reducing hours at work is not an option as my manager isn't supportive unfortunately and my role is in mid senior management so it's going to be difficult to get to reduce hours.

This seems obvious to me.

1. You need childcare for your “masters day”. And then you get it done that day rather than trying to squeeze it in during evenings and weekends.
2. Your husband needs to start pulling his weight. You are two full time working parents. He shouldn’t be “helping” with things - he should be doing his share which is 50%. Of everything. Including the wake ups.

I am a big advocate for batch cooking and prep. When you cook at least once a week double up and freeze the second meal. Over time you'll have enough to get you through the newborn period or the tough days leading up to it when you really can't do anything else.

Sending hugs, sounds so so tough at the moment

@Chocolateorange22 thanks for the suggestions. I need to get more organised and plan my meals and do some batch cooking over weekend.

Are you using the nap time effectively? Could you ask nursery to start cutting down the nap so that your son goes to sleep earlier? Anything you can 'outsource' to give you more time for your studies like cleaning, ironing etc?

You are doing an awful lot op. Things should get easier once the masters is done. I would consider drawing up a sort of rota and having a discussion with dh about fairness especially re lie ins. Also consider if finances allow paying for some childcare so you can work on your masters, paying for some meal prep boxes, paying for a cleaner...anything which might make your life easier. I cope with routines...so we're very dull and have a variation of the same meal on each day of the week e.g Mon - pasta, Tues - tray bake, Weds - soup Thurs - slow cooker etc. We get the food shop delivered but both have the app on our phone so just add items directly but alternate being responsible for meal planning and cooking week by week. I put a wash on every day but pay someone to iron the uniforms / smart clothes once a week. You just need to make it to the end of your masters and the mat leave, things will be less pressured then....although the tiredness will still be there.

What @Mumofteenandtween said. Especially the bit about husband 'helping'. You've got enough on your plate and he b needs to pull his weight.

My time saving hacks for making real food:

• pan frying or oven roasting chicken pieces (breasts, thighs, drumsticks) and salmon (enough for several meals)
• making up batches of different salad dressings and marinades
• boiling quantities of legumes at a time - to add to salads, wild rice or use as a side dish
• slow-frying lots of onions until caramelised (to use in casseroles and stirfrys)
• use herbs (parsley, basil, fresh coriander, dill, etc), ginger, garlic, lemon juice, chili to enhance flavour (prepare badges and refrigerate in little Tupperware pots)

Batch cooking will help a bit, but it's not a magic bullet

Here are my suggestions -

Buy in support eg cleaner, nanny, Gousto / Hello Fresh

Apply for flexible working / condensed hours

Postpone the masters

Your DH is self employed, so has some flexibility in his hours. Get him to pull his weight

Be super organised at home. Ruthless decluttering will help with this

Get your child into full time nursery place, all year round. This would have biggest immediate impact

DH is self employed but works as a contractor in IT so he does same hours 9-5 so no flexibility with his hours. I am asking him to agree on sharing more work so we both have fair share.

The term time preschool is just 2 mins walk from the house while the full time nurseries are 10 mins drive from our home. I am not driving yet so we thought moving him closer to home will help with sharing pick and drop for both of us. Also, it helps save us money as it's cheaper and we are able to get 15 free hours of childcare here.

Yes and actually it annoys me that people are suggesting you drop your hours, affecting your career, whilst your DH isn’t pulling his weight. This is EXACTLY why there a gender pay gap.

Hopefully you can have a productive discussion with your DH. List the chores out. Let him see in black and white. Don’t let him off the hook.

Can people suggest at what age does parenting gets easier?

People who struggle to get up in the morning just have priorities wrong.
He could get up if he really wanted but he doesn't need to because you will...unlike work.

He shouldn't be "helping" you with anything.

If you work full time are you given a study day on the 5th day? I would totally put DS in nursery that day and work in the day.

Does he have to be term time only? Why not year round?

Your OH may not get paid annual leave but he could take time off for holidays etc I suspect he needs to take on more of the life admin and mental load too.

If DS is in nursery you may find it easier when on mat leave, as long as baby sleeps or us content in the day.

I agree about gender pay gap. Reducing my hours will reduce my salary, my pension and my future job prospects will be affected

Once you incorporate it into daily life it's so much easier. If the oven is on and I'm waiting for dinner to do I'll often chuck leftover veg into a quickly whipped up egg mixture to make muffins which serve as snacks for the kids. I'll freeze those and take them out as needed. Or let a pasta sauce simmer away to freeze if I'm already chopping up veg. It's using the time that you have set aside to cook to make extra. It's not adding time onto your day as such then. The pasta sauce is an easy one as I freeze in individual portions for the kids so with some pasta and cheese thrown on it's sooo easy on those hard days.

I agree with batch cooking and get your shopping delivered, much easier.
We share bath time and whoever is on bathtime duty cleans the bathroom at the same time. Whoever is doing dishes cleans the kitchen at the same time. Doing it daily means it doesn't take long as it's never really dirty.
Biggest thing though is your husband needs to get up. No reason why he can't do 50% of wake ups. Have a talk with him and tell him how exhausted you are and agree the days he will get up. Make him stick to it, even if it means poking him until he gets up.
I would also look at an extra day of childcare. You'd have more time to do your Masters which would reduce your workload, especially if you also get your husband to do his share.