Preschool suggested senco after 4.5 weeks settling in period

[Lockdownmama2021]

I’ve just spent the week browsing online and googling left right and centre. My ds 3 years and 3 months just started preschool for the first time in April so when he was 3yrs and 2 months. Prior to this has very limited contact with children - has gone to children centres only a month before started preschool. Has 2 cousins, one 3 years older and the other 1 year older and he loves to run around after them and play with them. Since turning 3 seemed to have a personality shift where he wasn’t a happy toddler anymore, he was hitting, getting jealous of baby brother, etc and was just showing interest in looking at other children esp 4 yr old hyper boys at play hubs and wanting to hang out with them. His preschool just observed him for 4.5/5 weeks and gave me a feedback saying he repeats what they say to him, doesn’t really interact and even though he smiles at and plays happily alongside the other children he doesn’t interact or play with them yet. Bear in mind they’ve had another child settling in who cries all the time and has unsettled mine as all he says to me when I pick him up is that baby girl was crying and (insert his name) is sad’ They also said he colours and likes colouring - when at home he cannot stand colouring finds it boring and I can never get him to do it. They wanted to do a senco referral because even though he follows all their instructions, has eye contact when they call him and does as he is told he repeats whatever they say to him. I broke down and told them to give him time to settle down before labelling him, I felt like it was out of the blue as I have been calling them everyday and they say he is fine and settling in well so I felt winded by the suggestion at his feedback meeting. ( he’s quite tall for his age so they probably think he’s near to 4) since that meeting I have become hyper aware of everything he’s doing and keep picking on things but everything seems to be applicable to ND and NT kids so now I am just hyper analysing everything. I’ve noticed he is suddenly trying to bite his nails - his dad does this too all the time so it could be mirroring him. They said he tip toes sometimes but not a lot. he does repeat phrases but that’s because when he asks me something like ‘want weetabix’ I’ll reply with ‘you want weetabix? Ok’ and so he might have picked that up because I was trying to encourage full sentences. But instead of saying ‘yes’ he would say ‘want weetabix’ again, but I have never really modelled ‘yes’ to him. It could be a slight language delay and also both myself and husband are quiet and our circle is small we are also considered to be ‘shy’ so he might just be that or I don’t know. What is early intervention even? We had him privately assessed by SLT at 30 months or so because he went quiet and behaved differently when his baby brother was born, And the slt who works with a specialist autism team said we had nothing to worry about. But now I’m catastrophisising again. I know there’s nothing wrong with being ND but I have a nephew who is and a cousin and their lives unfortunately is very tough and I just fear that for him. I am thinking to go back to our original private SL. Everytime I google 3 year milestones it’s such an extensive jump from 2 years. 2-3 he should play alongside peers 3-4 should interact, surely it won’t happen at 36 months and it will take time for the confidence to build?

Thank you!
I didn’t know what senco was I just thought sen - special educational needs and I panicked because I felt I was on the ball with noting everything about him. But now that I know what it means, i am going to go ahead.
my gut is telling me that he is fine and maybe just needs to catch up a bit. But I do always think the worst and catastrophise because I developed PNA after having him and i panic and cry first and then I process. I am hoping that it is just a delay. I do see the struggle my SIL goes through with her son and it is a fear I have now hence I panicked so much.

i am reserved after having him because I had birth trauma and PNA, my mother developed anxiety during Covid as did so many because she was completely isolated at the time. Other than that our circle is small ie other parent friends with kids as they live further away, kids are different ages and no body is trying hard enough to meet up just yet.. so the circle we prioritise is family - I have a small family and my husbands family don’t live close by.
I don’t mind the suggestion of checking if we may be on the spectrum, everyone is a little odd so who isn’t? But my childhood and husbands childhood seems linear and pretty typical. I had glue ears and delayed speech but caught up pretty fast

I think it's important to keep at the back of your mind, particularly if your Mum has anxiety. It is quite common for people with anxiety to have an underlying an undiagnosed neurodiversity. You own history suggests keeping an open mind too. Remember no one on the internet can definitively tell you either way. So listen to the professionals and do your own research. It's good to know you are going to follow up with your little one.