Texting coworkers, what’s not ok now?

[Oceancolorseen]

I’m torn on female coworker sending text to my dh, with xx selfies, heart gif, coworker is not young and not first job. I know about the texts bc we are open with each other.

YABU sign of the times, no issue
YANBU I wouldn’t like it either

Have you told DH that it bothers you?

Does he respond?

Depends on the situation, I usually put xx at the end of most texts because I'm old and that's just how I and mose people I know end texts so would read nothing into that. Selfies would depend on the context. I have sent ❤️ to colleagues before but really only when saying congratulations on engagements/wedding/baby news or sending love to them and family if I have heard sad news etc. This is the same for both sexes.

Is it a group chat? All the hearts, kisses etc seem to be par for the course (sigh) Even if it's not group, if he doesn't like it ignore it.

What's she talking about? How does he respond? As she clearly isn't talking to herself and feels comfortable to interact with him this way, so is he happy to entertain her?

I text my male coworkers all the time but would never add heart emojis or kisses. I LOATHE kisses on texts though, my girlfriends do it as punctuation and it makes me irrational.

@IncognitoUsername Yes I’ve told him I don’t like it.
@Swissrollover He doesn’t respond with xx too he ignores it but that doesn’t address it issue.
I want him to tell her to stop it but if this is the way people communicate now then she’s gonna think what a jerk he must have thought I was being flirty. In my eyes it could be flirty but is it and so here I am looking for opinions from random people on the internet.

But what's the reason for texting in the first place?... Last time I've texted a coworker was some 15 years ago, when I was in my 20s, working in hospitality and needed my shift covered urgently. As soon as started working corporate, everything is resolved via email and work messengers (Skype, team, slack, etc), and by everything I mean everything - including flirting and banter.

I get really uncomfortable with the heart empjis on messages because I'm old but it really does seem to be a standard response these days.

We had a group chat for my department and pretty much everyone used them.

So he does respond. What IS the issue that needs addressing? What is the context of the messages - work related or social? If he is responding to social messages, and showing you, is he getting a kick out of your reaction, as he knows you don't like the possibly flirty nature?

Edited typo.

Why the hell is she sending him selfies?

So she sends your husbands messages and he’s never once replied

and doesn’t seem bothered about doing anything to stop this apparently unwanted attention 🤥

you have a dh problem for sure

If one of my colleagues, with the exception of the two I actually consider friends, was sending me unwanted WhatsApp messages I’d tell them to stop and to only contact me during working hours using work email or Teams etc. Why hasn’t your DH done likewise sooner? He doesn’t have to be rude, just make it clear he doesn’t like work contact to his personal devices unless in an emergency. That’s a completely normal position. And if a colleague was sending me selfies then I’d tell them I wasn’t interested and to quit it entirely. It sounds as though he’s enjoying the attention and encouraging it when at work tbh.

I'm in the police, my husband is on my team so it's a bit different as we know the same people and it's the sort of culture where we are luckily on a really close and nice team but I do admit I message colleagues with hearts on the end and xx. It's just how I type as I really am veey close to some of them, men included but I'd be mortified if I ever thought any of their partner who didn't know me had an issue with it. Tbh this thread has made me wonder! If your husband isn't sending the same level of messages back I'd not be too concerned. Out of interest what sort of work does he do? Is it the sort of job where there is a really close knit team or is this girl a one off? Before my current job I'd never have messaged my colleagues in retail much so I can see why you'd have issue if it seems odd for the world he's in.

Well I wouldn't be happy with this.
And as pp said: why is she sending him selfies? What type of selfie?
Is she the same grade as your DH or is one of them higher ?