To think I've taken too much on and how to get out of it

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm 3 years out from a terrible time of my life where I was very very low and feeling suicidal. Lots of work and therapy and I am now much recovered and life looks great. I had to build myself up from nothing socially and so I did a rush of stuff to get myself happy, joined a social group or two, did some volunteering etc. Now I'm feeling a lot better, I can actually live without needing to be distracted all the time and am happy in my own company, I feel like I'm exhausting myself with all my commitments but I'm scared of letting people down, or being seen as flaky. Anyone done this and got advice ? Have you ever overcomitted and had to pull back? How did you manage it?

What sort of commitments? Can you scale back over time? And/or can you start turning new things down?

I totally get this!

But unless you're doing a team sport like rowing where if you don't turn up, the activity can't happen, the chances are you're overthinking how indispensable you are to the group.

Maybe you could try taking one day off from an activity ('sorry, won't be there this week, I have too much on, but see you all next time!'), and see how it goes/how you feel about it once you've slept on it?

I really get how anxious-making this kind of decision can be, and hope you find a way to dial back the activity and have a bit more of a rest.

Begin by telling the other members how you are feeling. Then say that you have decided that in order to safeguard your new-found mental health, you will be scaling back over the coming summer months. Begin gently pulling back with a view to stopping some completely by, say, August, and offloading some elements of other things by, say, Christmas. Or whatever timescale is realistic in your circumstances.

Yeah good advice. I think I need a realistic time commitment for my volunteering which is the main thing I'm worried about letting people down

Think about what gives you most joy and which people you want to stay in contact with, and what has become a burden. Give notice on all of the burdens. If it is a charity, say you have to step down and so want to give notice that you won't be continuing after the end of June. With clubs etc, you can just drop out, if you choose, people do all the time, unless as PP said, people rely on you and you are essential e.g. a role in an am dram production or team sport with no good subs. But even then, if you MH starts to suffer you can withdraw immediately and just say it is for health reasons. No need to explain further.