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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my baby’s parents’ evening?

40 replies

hwg11 · 28/05/2024 12:55

My dc is 20 months. I’ve been invited to a ten minute slot between 6:30pm and 8:30pm. Dc finishes nursery at 5pm and it’s a 25 minute drive home and dc goes to be at 7pm. Is it normal for parents to attend these when dc is so little? I’m working to the bone at the moment and dh is away in the week. Will it look terrible if I don’t attend?

OP posts:
User79853257976 · 28/05/2024 12:56

Maybe ask for a phone call instead? Then you won’t worry about how it looks (it’s no big deal anyway).

Greenlittecat · 28/05/2024 12:58

It's only 10 mins, I would go.

3teens2cats · 28/05/2024 12:58

It's a chance to chat to their keyperson about how they are in nursery. You might be able to chat to them at drop off or pick up but some people don't have time. This is why they offer 'parents evening '. It's just a chance to speak with the people who care for her. They won't be bothered if you don't go. If they are worried about anything they will approach you.

SJC2015 · 28/05/2024 12:58

I go but only because nursery is a 5 min walk away from our house. Usually I get in early and get the first available slot (ours start at 6pm). I find them useful to know about how my LO is developing, are there any areas to work on etc. If it wasn't convenient I wouldn't go though.

Revelatio · 28/05/2024 12:59

It’s more of an opportunity for you to ask questions that you might be short of time on when picking up. Our nursery give an update at pick up and on the app, so I’ve never seen the point in going. My husband does pick up so he just lets me know what was said.

theeyeofdoe · 28/05/2024 13:00

I never went to those, they weren't really a thing when DS1&2 were little and I was a bit taken back when they asked me to attend for DD.

You can see how they're doing yourself.

Chocochoo · 28/05/2024 13:00

No, don’t go. If the nursery is any good they’ll tell you how he’s developing all the time and give you ample opportunity to ask questions at drop off and pick up. Ask for a phone call instead.

Our old nursery didn’t do parents evening and it was brilliant. Our new (much shitter) nursery does parents evening and it’s fine but not essential.

Shaldar · 28/05/2024 13:03

It's not going to be much new information. If there was a problem, you should already know.

They aren't going to worry that they haven't spoken to you as there won't be anything pressing to say.

I disagree you should ask for a phone call to make it look like you're interested - you're then expecting them to give up additional time on top of this event for no real reason.

Danikm151 · 28/05/2024 13:24

Mine just asks to make some time for a chat. Usually just after drop off so we get in a bit early and have the chat then

AttentionToDetal · 28/05/2024 13:56

I've managed to attend a few over the years, but not much more discussed than what is shared at handover. Tbh found it more useful when slightly older and talking about school preparation.

I would presume if any bigger concerns they would ask to speak to you anyway.

ACynicalDad · 28/05/2024 14:03

maybe just ask if they have any major concerns and if not skip

rwalker · 28/05/2024 14:09

I wouldn’t go no doubt it’s moved on from when mine were small but you got regular updates and any concerns ether way we’d be in contact

nephew gets an update on his they can log in and it’s updated during the day what they’ve done any issues and have they eaten type of thing

MariaVT65 · 28/05/2024 14:13

I go to all mine but nursery is closer. If i couldn’t make it in person, i’d ask if it could be a 10 min phone call

DuploTrain · 28/05/2024 14:16

Ask if they can do a phone call instead.

When DS had his they uploaded all his progress / milestones onto the app in advance and then literally just read it out to us.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 28/05/2024 14:21

The staff can't realistically waste 5 or 10 mn with each parent at pick up, so they offer a window to chat.

I would just ask for a phone call instead.

Blueroses99 · 28/05/2024 14:24

Greenlittecat · 28/05/2024 12:58

It's only 10 mins, I would go.

Plus the 50 min drive there and back with DC in tow. Or waiting around for an hour and a half for the first slot and then a 25 min drive.

I wouldn’t bother with either option and would ask for a phone call after DC is asleep or to request an appointment at a more convenient time for you on a different day.

Original poster
hwg11 · 28/05/2024 15:24

So you’re not obliged to go?

OP posts:
AlltheFs · 28/05/2024 15:28

Most people don’t go to ours. We never took DD, so if one parent was away or at work we didn’t go.

I went to one the other day which was in relation to the report they do before school start this Sept and to be honest even that could’ve been an email.

They can tell you it all on a different day.

IcouldbutIdontwantto · 28/05/2024 15:32

I've been to two - the second time, it was going to be really awkward to go for various reasons, so DD's key person said she could do it at pick up on a different day instead, you could ask if that's an option? Or suggest a phone call?

Cath082 · 30/05/2024 20:15

Why wouldn’t you want to chat about how your child is progressing and any concerns?!

Flamingmentalcats · 30/05/2024 20:28

Just explain why you can't make it and see what they say, they might offer to speak to you another time at pick up. Asking for a phone Call will take the practitioner out of the room and ratio so it will depend of if management can cover that short period.
All I would say is, if you book a slot, please make sure you go. Nothing worse than doing a full day in nursery and having to stay late and have no shows.
Some nurseries don't pay or give time back for parents evenings, it's just expected in their contracts

BurbageBrook · 30/05/2024 20:31

If you ask for a phone call they might be able to speak to you during the evening itself. I don't think YABU not to go when you'll be with your tired baby who needs to go to bed and have dinner etc!

Hankunamatata · 30/05/2024 20:37

Never did the ones at daycare. Utterly pointless imo. Any issues it was addressed at pickup, drop off or they rang me for a chat

Z0rr0 · 30/05/2024 20:39

Jeez parent's evening for babies! My youngest is 15 and this was not a thing when they were at nursery. What's the point when babies all develop at a different rate? The first nursery my oldest went to when I went back to work told me when she was a little over a year that she should be using cutlery by now and I got so upset that she was developmentally abnormal in some way that I started looking at loads of things she 'should' be doing. I left work and the nursery a few months later and she soon mastered cutlery. Kids get there at their own pace. For a 20 month old this just sounds like a stressor. I'd want maybe a little report on how she was doing at the end of the year but I don't think (knowing what I know now) that I could be arsed with a parents evening, especially in your tricky circumstances.

Caffeineneedednow · 30/05/2024 20:42

Ask for phone / video chat.

My sons was just over 1 when he had his first. It's just a general catch up