Parent doesn’t want medical tests - do you expect wishes

[Parentworry]

My dm is 76 years old. She has never accepted invitations for mammograms, poo tests, never visits opticians etc. I think she finds it difficult to go through with appointments and has always had a massive anxiety. I posted before that she had a blood transfusion in 1976. I think she should have a hep c test.I have tried to gently talk to her about it but I don’t think she can face it. Sometimes I think her eyes look a little yellow but she has had elevated bilirubin for 25 years but I we presumed it was Gilbert’s. Does anyone else have parents like this? Do you respect their wishes or do you become forceful in making medical appointments? I have massive anxiety right now as my husband and dad have cancer. I feel so responsible for everyone.

Feel for you, OP, but there's nothing you can do.

MILs GP wouldn't even speak with us even though it was obvious that she was seriously under the influence of Alzheimer's, and was at risk. It's impossible to look after older people these days if they won't cooperate.

It’s her decision how she lives and how she dies.

we as a culture have landed on the side of test and treat without exception, but individuals can make other choices. Especially for seniors, they may face a choice of fewer years or more heavily, medicalized years. There is no right answer.

My parents are the same and it is easier for me to let them make the decisions regarding their health. I offer to take them to appointments to make things easier but I completely understand why they would not want tests or investigations. My father discharged himself from hospital once after being sent by his GP. Nothing I could have done. I think you need to change your mindset here and you will feel better for it.

I am sorry to hear about your dad and DH, OP; I can imagine how god awful that is. But you are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. Your mother is a capable adult. Respect her wishes.