Bullying at school (private prep)

[Helenabrine]

Sorry posting here for traffic. Also NC as it's quite outing.

DD (6.5 yo - Y1) started at a girls private prep in Sept 2023. We moved her from her previous local primary due to disruption and some issues with behaviour in the class.

She loves her new school, settled in really quickly and overall we've been very happy. She made a friend in the class (let's call her Lily) and Lily was very fond of DD, would kiss and hug her, said to her she loved her (and wanted to marry her) and so all good. Towards the end of the Spring term DD shared that Lily said to her that her mum does not allow Lily to play with DD, but Lily still wants to play with her and they are best friends. Apparently Lily's mum has been saying that since the beginning of their friendship.

I should mention that DD is absolute perfection at school in terms of behaviour and doing well academically.

From the beginning of the summer term Lily stopped playing with DD. DD was very confused as it went from being so close to nothing, so she still tried to play with Lily. Last week the teachers called me for a meeting to tell me DD has become increasingly anxious, she refuses to go to the playground and seems to be struggling with something and they don't know what it is. DD has been complaining about tummy ache lately and even started refusing to eat her lunch.

2 days after my meeting with the teachers DD said that she feels like throwing up and I knew instantly it wasn't tummy related but severe anxiety. She broke down and said Lily has been very mean to her lately. So over the last 6, 7 days more and more things have come out about Lily. She's been saying to DD things like: when I look at your face I feel like I want to spit on you, I hate you, if DD sits next to her at lunch time she pushes DD to move somewhere else and DD just moves and so on and this is relentless, DD said this behaviour is happening all the time. DD is trying to ignore her but she insists on playing then does something mean.

We are devastated that this has been happening and DD has not shared this with anyone until now. I'll write to the school about it but just wondering if anyone has experienced this and how did you deal with it.

I should also mention that Lily is in time out a lot lately for bad behaviour in the class as well.

I wonder why Lily's mother took so against your DD? From the sound of Lily's recent behaviour, Lily and her mother have got some issues.

Is it more than a one form entry?
if so, could one of the kids move form for next year?

Your DD needs to start making other friends! Your job is to make sure that the school is aware and deal appropriately with Lily. DD just needs to steer clear.

It’s impossible to know if Lily’s mother is ally said those things. She is clearly a mixed up little girl. I think you need the teacher’s support in making sure your DD is in a different part of the classroom form Lily and that they are never put in pairs or small groups together. You need to ask for teachers on duty to keep a special eye out for the rest of term until your daughter has established new friendships.

Why is it relevant that this is a private school?

I don't know what Lily's mother has against us as we've always been polite to each other. They are wealthier, we drive 2 modest cars and live in a 3 bed house. Also Lily is very academically advanced, DD is tagging along in the top groups but it's not quite as sharp. Or could be anything else.

Yes, it's 2 forms but a lot of these things are happening outside the classroom so even if she changes class, she would still pick on her in the playground.

DD has other friends in the school and she's ignoring her now, but we can't believe this has been happening for a whole half term and no one knew.

Can you message Lily's mother?

I would also be emailing Head of Pre Prep, just so they are aware of everything going on.

Go on to the schools website, and find their safeguarding and bullying polices and quote them in you email.

Push for a face to face with Head of PP as well as class teacher.

I hope your DD feel better soon. Half term will help and then only 5 weeks left of term.

Thank you very much for your advice.

I'm emailing the school and head of pre-prep this week. I'll read up on their bullying policy.

I think I won't be emailing Lily's mother until I see what action the school are taking. DD is already feeling much better since she shared this with us and all the anxiety seems to have disappeared. We are teaching her about bullying and how to recognise it and to speak up.

DD is very assertive outside school so it's very strange she just bottled in up for so long at school.