Post cancer surgery parent visit

[Chillionice]

Hi,
I’m trying not to let it bother me that without discussing with me, my parents have booked 5 non-refundable days to visit me post cancer surgery.
This is the first diagnosis of this kind in my family. My parents are 74/76 & have lived at a distance for many years. They have tenuous relationships with my 3 teenagers who are a handful.
Cancer struck on the back of a terrible divorce. However, I met a lovely partner a year ago who has been very helpful throughout diagnosis and will be post surgery. I’ve made proper plans for week one with my sister coming to stay, my partner (who doesn’t live with me) was intending to help week 2 along with many friends and neighbours all keen to do their bit.
I was expecting my parents to visit for a day or 2 at the end of week 2. But they told me they had booked to arrive immediately as my sister leaves giving me no time to wind down & for my partner, friends and kids to pick up the mantle.
I calmly told them this made me feel crowded and that I am incredulous not to have been asked. As above, it’s non-refundable and my parents are unapologetic as they want to be near me and help at this time.
I’ll be having full hysterectomy so adjusting to no hormones and really don’t want to be finding jobs for them to make them feel better nor seeing them judge the very laid back approach the kids and I have in the house.
When I calmly told them I felt they were overlooking my partner, they were similarly unapologetic stating ‘we don’t know him’.
I’m trying to put this all to the back of my mind as I obviously have a lot on my plate atm but this week is looming larger than the surgery itself!
I’m so frustrated that at a time when the patient should be first priority, my parents have managed to put their needs above mine. AIBU??

First, for at least a month, you will have hormones coursing through you post-hysterectomy, even if your ovaries are removed at same time. So you will be feeling emotional, and bizzarely, horney, for a while.
Second, yabvu towards your parents. Sounds as if you have a cozy set-up with you new- ish beau and laissez-fair arttitude to your children which you don't want your parents to see or judge. You know they will be disappointed.
On the other hand, you are their child, you have cancer, and they want to be with you, whether you've been previously close or not. You are shutting them out
Your choice of course, but yabu

YANBU to feel that way.
Although, if one of your DC was undergoing surgery I’m sure you would want to be there and, presumably, your DP were thinking the same.
My surgical menopause wasn’t half as bad as I anticipated, I hope you find it the same. I hope all goes well with the surgery, wishing you a speedy recovery

Firstly I'm sorry about your diagnosis and surgery. I hope you have a fast recovery.

I have grown up children and think it's human nature for your parents to want to be there - your partner sounds lovely but with all due respect, he may or may not be in your life forever, but your parents will be your parents for their whole lives.

I'd want to be there for my kids too and it's unfeeling to describe that as "them putting their needs first". The need to parent is a biological drive, not a selfish need!

However, are they expecting to stay with you? If so can you ask them to stay somewhere else...tell them your house is chaotic with the teens and hosting again will be stressful and so they'll be more comfortable staying nearby and visiting. You could also encourage them to do day trips in the area and make a bit of a holiday out of it so they aren't hovering all the time.

Refuse to let them in the house then.