My young adult DD has asked for my support with a situation and tbh I'm not sure what's best so asking for helpful insights here. If you can't be kind or helpful, please just scroll on by to another thread.
DD suspects she is on the autism spectrum and even if not, has struggled massively with anxiety since she was very young. She had (has?) selective mutism, which now only occurs in very limited situations but communication can still be a struggle for her in stressful situations.
She's done amazingly well in the past 3 years. She joined a local hobby group which she absolutely loves doing. They were so impressed by her in various ways that, before too long, she was made a third leader.
The two original leaders of the group are a man in his (probably) early 50s who is a decent reasonable man as far as I can tell, and a man in his later 20s who is also great in some ways but probably not so mature/well balanced.
DD does a lot for this group and they have said to me how much they value her. They are aware of her anxiety and have done their best to be supportive and caring, without necessarily really understanding what it's like for her.
Recently some tensions have arisen and she has felt as though she's being left out of decisions. She's challenged them on this and pointed out when the two of them have been talking between themselves and making decisions without her. This may have arisen since there were difficulties in her relationship with another group member who she dated for a while but she broke up with him, and after some months of tensions arising from time to time, he left the group. I don't know if that has anything to do with this but everything seemed to be fine before that.
Now DD is feeling really upset that these two co-leaders are making decisions without her and she feels as though they're treating her like a stupid over-emotional female. She really doesn't know what to do next to resolve things. There is no way she could bear leaving the group as it is her entire hobby and social life and interest.
I asked whether there was anyone else in the group who could be a mediator but she thought that wouldn't be appropriate, as they are the three leaders.
Does anyone have any ideas how this might be resolved? It might be that the two men are being unconsciously sexist, or it might be that she is not realising how her demeanour or attitude are affecting others.