AIBU to keep my DD in all summer

[fiskalulu]

I live on a big gated housing development with a central green space that all the kids play out on.

One of the kids (the oldest aged 9) has started excluding and bullying my DD.

I've spoken to her parents and they are sympathetic and have tried to intervene but don't supervise and therefore don't stop it. I go out with dd and call out any obvious unfairness but to be honest it doesn't help and could be making things worse.

DD is really, really upset.

What do I do? On the rare occasions this kid isn't around the others all play with DD and it's great - like in the past.

Do I just let her out if this kid isn't there?

Have a picnic in your garden. Invite lots of dc including the bully. Install yourself on a chair with a book. Intervene at every awful incident. Tell her straight if she can't play nice she will have to go home. Show her she will be the one pushed out if she can't behave. The one time helicopter parenting is fab!

It's the MN answer to everything - the motion sensor sprinkler 🤣

I would not be going out with a nine year old when it's a gated green the other kids will make fun of her. Let her out when the other girl isn't there and tell her to come back if she arrives.

Go with her and sit in the background with a book. Take bubbles. Hand out popsicles. Ensure your DD has an exciting "new" toy to share each time you go (things like chalks, a comet ball, a kite, a remote controlled car). There are all sorts of strategies you can use as an adult to subtly shift the dynamic and put a stop to the 9yo's antics.

Divide and conquer. Invite the younger ones round for an ice cream and bubbles party.

Far from being embarrassing, I find that we have kids queuing up to play with us when I actually engage with my 6yo at the playground.

But no you can't keep her in all summer. And tbh she's too young to be playing out without fairly close supervision.

Did you speak to the parents, OP?

No, your kid shouldn't stay in at all - as that is teaching her a very bad message to be teaching her.

I think helicoptering does make bulling much worse, but speaking to the parents and if they won't tell their own kid off, then I would lose my absolute shit with this child - and im not sorry

The OP's daughter is only 7...

Take your daughter out and supervise and give her sweets to share out with her friends. She’ll soon be the centre of attention.

Walk her back the first time and speak to the parent. After that: "You are being unkind and need to go home. Do you need me to take you so I can explain to your parents why you have had to come back?"

The parents clearly won't intervene unless it is a problem for them, so make it a problem for them.

Bring in reinforcements for your DD - ie get a non-gated community buddy over for a playdate, and send the two of them out there to play if they want to. That way your DD has a guaranteed friend. if all goes well, they'll play as part of the wider group. If not, your DD and her friend can play together. As appropriate considering the setting, provide snacks/drinks/toys for them to take with them.

We have had similar situations in the past and have found this quite effective. The bully also then tends to lose interest and/or groups sort of splinter in a more natural way.

I would bollock the kid

Me too. I'd just be out there and tell her off every single time. If the parents won't parent her then I would.

Invite all the kids over except the bully. The other kids will probably appreciate being away from the bully kid as well. When bully sees them all streaming over to yours., her behaviour might improve