Wearing an ex’s jewellery

[Selzzin]

So a question. If you found out that your boyfriend of a year had given you an ex’s necklace as a present, how would you feel? And then if you found out, that the necklace was a wedding present, what would go through your mind?

To give context to this story, I married an abusive, narcissistic man 3 years ago, I was his third wife (I know, screaming red flags) and we were together just over a year, after I discovered his abusive ways, dv etc. He isn’t originally from this country but as he had no desire to live back in his own country, he then went to Asia to move in with a lady there, within a few months. She soon discovered his toxic ways and threw him out. He was living in a hotel when he then met a woman 30 years younger and immediately set up home with her. So just to give you the background.

When enough time had elapsed for me to start a divorce, I contacted him but he has refused to comply, not giving me his address and generally just being an arse, no surprise there. I thought perhaps I could find out where he lived and serve him papers by surprise. During this process, I found out where he drinks with his new gf (together a year now) as I found many photos of them there, doing their hobby together. So over the weekend, I had another look and saw that she was wearing the very distinctive necklace that my mother in law had bought for me as a wedding present, to match my style and a very distinctive design. I know he had the necklace and I am 99% sure it is the same one due to its very unique look. It was her birthday last month so I assume she was presented with the great present he thoughtfully got her 🙄

i commented on the necklace under the photo to say I recognise it as my wedding present from my MIL and mentioned that my ex would be so perverse as to get a kick out of her wearing it, knowing it’s history, as he has a sick mind. I also asked if they could send me his address as I was looking to divorce him. Now I am second guessing myself, I was fuming when I saw her wearing my necklace, like wtf?! I’m over it but am still in disbelief at the cheek of him giving her my jewellery. Some men are just sick. The photos are on the pub’s group page.

If you want to divorce this abusive man and have nothing more to do with him, stop commenting on social media’s posts that include him or his current girlfriend. You are literally inviting the drama to your doorstep.

If beating up women isn’t below him why are you shocked at him handing on jewellery?

Whose photo are you commenting on. Something are better left unsaid. Especially with an abusive ex partner. A solicitor should surely be able to trace him. Or the court papers can be served on the walls and granted without his consent after a certain amount of time.

How would I feel?

It wouldn't faze me in the slightest, nor would it surprise me. Regifting a piece of jewellery doesn't strike me as particularly sick behaviour in the larger context of abuse.

You're clearly not over it. It's understandable, as you're still in the process of divorce. I think you need to be honest with yourself that you're not over it and you still need to recover. You're being triggered by something that, objectively, is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You're understandably still feeling a lot of hurt and anger, and you need to deal with those feelings in a way that doesn't invite further conflict.

I don't mean to invalidate your feelings. You have every right to be angry, but I think your anger here is misplaced.

What a stupid thing to do! All you've done is make him and now her hate you even more.

You now look unhinged with your undignified behaviour.

And it also looks like you still want him.

This. Stop. Who even cares????

honestly, I thought you’d be the person receiving the gift from the title ( and obvs that would be a problem)

but you social media stalking and giving a shit in these circumstances is ridiculous. Block. Get a divorce. Move on.

The reason why I was looking was to try figure out his whereabouts and movements so that I could serve divorce papers on him. He refuses to give me his address so therefore I cannot move on with the divorce as suggested here, if I could, I very much would believe me.

I am surprised though that some people wouldn’t care about being regifted jewellery from their dp’s most recent ex, especially wedding related, am sure he pretended he chose and paid for it, maybe now she’s been enlightened. No I am not surprised really that he’s done this and maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but then, why do we always have to keep our mouths shut after abuse, I feel it’s that that gives them power, our silence. Maybe that’s just me. I wouldn’t call myself “unhinged”, not very helpful.