Name changed for this as could be outing. My 3 year old has gone through a lot of medical trauma in the past 3 years, multiple surgeries and daily treatments. This is ongoing and won't get better so it's something we are all having to adapt to.
His behaviour has always been challenging and is getting worse, not better. He struggles with his emotions and carries a lot of rage, you can see his jaw and fingers clench when he is frustrated and he then bites, hits, nips, pulls hair. We have kept a trigger diary to see if we can pinpoint a pattern, but it's not been particularly helpful. His speech is phenomenal and he has a brilliant imagination, he's always pretending to be 'police' or a 'fireman' or a chef etc and is very articulate. He can read others emotions and will respond appropriately.
Feeding has always been an issue and he has a feeding tube as he uses food as a form of control and will go days without eating when he wants. He has done this since he was tiny and has had the tube since he was 6 months old as even as a newborn he was never hungry and would only be breastfed, and would refuse a bottle.
He very much has to dominate every situation, will stare you dead in the eye and tell you that he's going to bite you, or nip his brother and shows no remorse when he causes you pain, other than he knows to say sorry or he won't get out of time out. It's very much like he's learnt how to respond but has no care that he's done anything wrong. He plays with other children but it's all got to be on his terms. He is a total flight risk and has no awareness of danger, he's totally fearless and has no care about consequences.
He has had an urgent referral put into the community paediatrician as his consultants, HV and nursery are concerned about his behaviour and are questioning whether it's a trauma response, ADHD or PDA as his behaviour is more extreme than your average toddler.
My family, however are adamant that he will grow out of it and that he's not that bad and say we are silly even attending the appointment. Aibu to think that this isn't normal behaviour or are my family right?