To persevere with this club

[Ineedaholidayyyy]

My son has just turned 5 and over the last few months he has really got into football. He wants to play everynight after school, in the garden at the park etc. We've tried some clubs in the past eg didikicks and they've ended the same way, with him making excuses to not want to go , either too tired, too hungry, tired legs you get the drift. We stopped football as we thought he just wasn't interested and didn't want to force it.

With him now being a bit older and clearly enjoying kicking a ball around, I decided to register him to a local club where I know his school friends go. The first few sessions have gone great, small classes and my son has got stuck in and was enjoying himself, wanting to go back, all good signs. He is clearly not as confident as his friends who have been playing a lot longer, but that didn't seem to matter.

I've just taken him to an open day this morning which is for the new teams for the 2025 season and my son went back to his old ways, acting shy, not participating, telling me he was tired ( he wasn't) and standing on his own at the side. It was hard to watch and the coaches tried hard to get him involved, but I know this this is a lack of confidence and him feeling shy , he told me after those were the reasons he didn't want to play.

So I'm interested to hear if anyone else has gone though this, it doesn't have to be football but any group activity where your have struggled initially but gone on to love it? I feel like in the past we have perhaps allowed him to give up activities too quickly and I don't want to make the same mistake again. Is it worth preserving with this every week in the hope that he will gain confidence overtime?

This isn't just about football either, he is also like this at school. He is shy and doesn't mix very well outside of his 4 friends, so I think he has a general lack of confidence.

He is only 5, so maybe just not ready for organised groups yet. If he loves having a kick about, stick with that for now. My kids hate being told how to play, so avoid clubs. We just take them swimming, ball to the park etc instead and they love that.

My just turned 5 year old has nagged the last 18 months about wanting to learn to swim. First session she went in all happily until she lost her footing on the bottom and went in face first. Weeks then spent sat on the side refusing the go in. Only way she started going back in was us as a family going swimming. Putting her in the scenarios she feared but with the safety net of mum and dad with her.

I'm wondering if a kick around with his mates/mum's/dads/siblings on the pitches without the pressure of other people around might help him realise his love for it again?

I wouldn't force it - he's only five years old.

DS was the same at that age. He'd want to go to groups and try things, then his shyness would get the better of him. We preserved with the football, and rugby, we didn't force him to go but we'd have him there for at least some of the session. If it got too much for him we'd leave, but we would go back the next week to build some familiarity.

DS is 10 now, he still gets shy and awkward around new people or groups. He was with a new football team for a few hours yesterday and he spent time stood on the sidelines, shuffling around, not talking to anyone. But as time went on he got more involved. Sometimes it does just take a bit of time for him to feel comfortable enough to join in.

We will keep up with playing football casually in the garden/park so he can continue to have a kick about for fun. The football club we've been taking him to is only once a week at the moment, there are no proper matches yet for his age cohert.

I appreciate 5 is still young, but the class he attends is appropriate for his age and the other kids are very confident in comparison. I am aware that most of the kids in his club have been regulars now for 18 months or so, so friendships have developed and all the coaches know them, my son is still very new into the club.

Some of the other parents told me their child was exactly the same when they first took them and behaved in the same manner, though again, they would have been younger at the time.

Football coach here. That is normal behaviour, and why we have "development" sessions for five and six year olds. Keep going. It doesn't matter if they don't do a whole session. You have to look at it as his entire football career. Will it matter at 15 if he didn't manage a whole session for the first year?

@ehb102 thank you , this is really reassuring and yes you are right , it's the bigger picture. We just found it difficult to watch him struggling this morning whilst all the other kids were loving it.

Also to be fair the coaches are great , they really tried to keep him engaged ane encourage him but there is only so much they can do when there are other kids.

@ehb102 sorry I hope you don't mind me asking you a question seeing as though you coach football.

Is is also typical when they are starting out , they will run round chasing the ball so to speak, but shying away from actually kicking it and trying to tackle anyone during a game. This is another thing I have noticed, but again I'm hoping this is a confidence thing.

Yes! It takes them until they are eight or nine to stop following the ball around like puppies. They get there.

I'm a football coach too. All totally normal. Keep taking him even if he just watches sometimes. Let him kick a ball at the side. Eventually he'll join in. If you leave it longer it'll possibly get harder for him not easier. Seen it loads of times.

At that age most of them want to run about with their own ball. They usually don't get the concept of tackling & passing. To 5 year olds it's mean to tackle & take a ball off someone. Why would they pass when they want to just dribble & score? That's why 5 year olds in FA affiliated football don't play in leagues and matches as such

And yes at U7 and Yr2 when they start proper mini league they often all still swarm round the ball at first

Thanks @deeprealisation that makes perfect sense what you have said and is helping me to understand what is normal development and behaviour for his age.

When talking to my son about why he didn't want to join in today, he mentioned feeling shy, but also something along the lines of what happens if I kick another child by mistake. I hadn't thought of in in that way, but it makes sense that he wouldn't want to hurt another child, or get hurt himself so he's avoiding that situation.

Your DS spends all day in school being taught to share, cooperate and be kind. He is told not to hit or kick others. As such YrR football should all be about individual skills and fun. In Yr1 they will probably play mini games of 3v3 4v4 etc but most will still be individual focus stuff.
If we watches any footy on TV you can show him how teams share the ball by passing and all get to shoot.. and that the aim of the game is for the red team to keep the ball and the blues want to win it off them etc.
Don't worry if it makes no sense to him yet

I will definitely try this, he won't sit and watch a match on TV yet, only in short bursts , but then again we've never really talked him through what is happening during the game, I'll give this a try.

It's easy to assume that kids understand even the basics of the adult game but very possibly not.
Even a few minutes watching footy on TV, here & there may help him see the connection.
He sounds a very sweet little boy.

It’s like when they joined nursery or school for the time though isn’t it, some of the children took to it straight away, never gave a thought to joining in or interacting others hated it and didn’t want to leave mum and dad or didn’t want to mix once they were there but they got taken every day and eventually all of them settled in.

just the act of going to the club regularly even if he isn’t fully taking part yet is helping him to settle in and familiarise himself with the coaches and other children over time he should be fine. It doesn’t sound like he really hates it just he’s shy and not sure or confident and comfortable yet.

of course you’re his parent so you know more than me.

Thank you, he is a sweet kid to be honest. Well most of the time anyway haha, he does have his moments.

I'll keep taking him, but I'll bare in mind what has been said on this thread.

My youngest just got involved in football recently in last year of primary. He started practising with local club that his school friends went to. The open day for player recruitment for multiple yr group teams went horrible. Too many new people, place was packed, he hated it and refused point blank. Luckily the coaches knew it might go a bit wrong so he has continued practising twice a week with the club and recently worked up the courage to play a match for B team - he really enjoyed it.

What I'm saying is that I'm the player recruitment days can be really off putting. If the club are happy for him to go to practise and not play weekend matches then you could start there

Poor baby he's not signed a football contract. Keep going he might eventually join.

And my dc has never watched a footie latch in his life. He now has multiple school friends explaining rules and positions to him - sometimes even with whiteboard diagrams

They do sessions that are just for fun for 4 to 6 year olds so we can continue with them regardless. Sorry to hear your son had a bad experience at an open day, but it sounds like it's worked out OK for him in the end.

I'm not sure what will happen now , they have told the parents that every single child will be placed into a team based on age and playing ability, so I guess we will see how it pans out.

I have no idea if I've done the right thing by registering him for a team, my thought process behind this was that by joining a little team, he would have familiarity playing and training with the same kids every week, doing something he enjoys. Then eventually the confidence will come.

sorry if comes across as though I am taking the football too serious. I just want my child to have an extra curricular activity that he enjoys, he's an only child so I'm keen for him to have an activity outside of school. Football seemed the obvious choice since he seems to enjoy kicking a ball, and has friends who play.

The FA specifically stipulate that no child below 6 should be playing regular matches v other teams. Some clubs will put them in teams at U6 Yr1 but tbh it's meaningless. The 'best' kids at 5/6 are rarely the best at 7/8/ 9/10 never mind 12 up. If they are selecting and streaming at 5 I'd be rolling my eyes a lot. I've been doing this a long time