Wwyd if your partner did this….

[whyey]

So a friend of mine has been living with her partner for about three years. She has three girls who have another dad. Her partner has got a temper and the other day threw his hot drink at the 12 year old. She was cross but hasn’t chucked him out or anything. I’m appalled. This he should be reported to social services.She’s not gonna leave him. Wwyd? Do you think she should kick him out? I do or AIBU?

You need to report this. What kind of mother allows this? There's no excuse and very likely part of a bigger picture.

@whyey presumably you have reported this to social services? What did they say?

In reality it shouldn't need reporting as the mother should deal with this. That is the core issue.

Not sure social services has the capacity for this kind of abuse

I’d have to report it as this mother isn’t going to safeguard her children. She’s clearly so blinkered that this guy could do anything and she still wouldn’t throw him out. I’d be prepared to lose the friendship as I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to one of the children. In the cases where children die there’s always people who kind of knew / suspected but didn’t do anything. I know it’s hard but when a child is involved I’d have to report. I agree with a previous comment that you could contact the child’s school if you’d prefer, perhaps even an anonymous letter. They’d be legally bound to investigate and report. The friend might not know it’s you as kids tend to tell their friends about this kind of stuff.

My friend had the police knock on her door one Sunday evening as her teenager had an argument with her dad and tried to block him from entering her room and she banged her head. She then told her friendship group via message her dad had hurt her head and a parent reported it. My friend was angry with the parent but I said that you can’t blame her if she genuinely though the child was in danger.

How long had they been together when he moved in. Doesn't she know it's possible to have a relationship without living together, then he doesn't have to meet her dc.

^ Indeed.

YANBU- he’s vile, wonder what else he does. It’ll escalate as he knows now he can get away with it.

I believe that you as her friend can also apply for the Claire's Law disclosure. If there is anything to disclose the police will disclose it directly to your friend. I'd there is past history maybe it will be a wake up call, and if she continues to fail her children despite having had that disclosure, that decision to ignore it may be something extra that the safeguarding teams can take into account.

For all those jumping to "she's a shit mother" I am forever appalled by people's assumptions on here without full understanding. Yes this may be the case, but for all anyone knows there could be significant coercion and control that means it isn't always just as easy as leaving, no matter what has happened.

OP - you need to speak to your friend. She obviously trusted you enough to tell you in the first place. This behaviour is not ok and the children should not be around it.