To want out?

[BarbieJane]

I am having problems with my “mother-in-law”. Except she’s not even my mother in law, she is my husband’s Dad’s partner.
we have been together for 8 years and in every conversation/ WhatsApp chat she corrects me, one-ups me, or says something negative about my suggestions (“that’s a lot of work” “you don’t want one of those” “oh we have this one”).
This is heightened because how she treats me is very different to how she treats my husband’s brother’s wife, who she will buy presents that cost in the hundreds (an air fryer, boutique perfume, designer skincare products) whereas mine are (admittedly lovely gifts) but in the £30 range. They get invited on holiday together whereas me and my husband don’t get invited.
I feel really cheated because usually my ex’s mums have loved me more than my ex did, so I’m not sure it’s a me problem 🤣
If they were friends or acquaintances I would leave every WhatsApp chat and never talk to them again because they make me feel so shit. But if we do that my husband will miss out on everything too and he really loves his family. Do you have any suggestions?

Just mute the chat. Your DH can continue to join in.

You leave the chat. Life is way too short for this nonsense.
Your husband stays in the chat. Unless you share a phone? In that case your DH can access WhatsApp via a PC or laptop so no need for him to miss out!

Another vote for mute the chat.

Okay… so what about in real life?!

Just say “ok, then”.

How often do you actually spend time with her? And for what reasons?

If it's just a weekly visit then your busy working/cleaning/shopping and let DH go.

Is DH aware of how you feel? Not the presents but the comments? Can he step in?

Id ignore the presents/holidays. Life is too short. You don't have to be everyones friend.

Mute the chat
Stop working out the value of gifts
Accept that she prefers the company of your Partners, Brothers wife (maybe they have shared interests, or just spend more time together)

She doesn’t sound particularly unpleasant, you are just different people.

How you muting the chat, stop your husband seeing them?

Family or not, I’d just leave the chat, or put it on mute and ignore it. You’re getting nothing from it, life is too short.

When you know the reasoning for her behaviour (insecurity) it can help you be less affected by it. Look up grey rock and use that if and when you do need to interact with her.

Sounds like you’re just different people. Doesn’t sound like you like her too much either so it’s not a big deal. Assuming you’re not seeing them daily, just politely nod when she says something that annoys you.

Mute the chat and DH is a grown adult who is perfectly capable of visiting his father and his partner alone and can also from now on buy the gifts for his side.

My ex has a partner who doesn’t get in with one of my adult DC. I hear a lot about it from my DD, but as far as I can see, there’s nothing to be done about it. I’d ignore the Whats app chat - you’re not obliged to reply - and just be polite in social situations when you have to be in her company. It’s certainly not worth spoiling your relationship with your partner over.

Why does you leaving the chat stop your husband from being able to see it? Surely you have separate phones with separate WhatsApp accounts? The obvious thing would be for you to leave or mute the chat and for your husband to use his own phone to see what he needs to know so he doesn’t miss out.

Mute the chat and let your husband visit on his own. You have your own life so no need for you to go every time, just see them at family occasions.

If they were friends or acquaintances I would leave every WhatsApp chat and never talk to them again because they make me feel so shit. But if we do that my husband will miss out on everything too and he really loves his family. Do you have any suggestions?

How exactly will he 'miss out'?