Aibu or is my husband?

[Confuddledmuggle]

Okay, who’s being unreasonable?
next year, I know ages away! We have 5 children we are taking the two youngest away. The older ones are 19, 18 and 15 well, will be.
husband says ds1 and ds2 can look after ds3 at home for a week.
i have said no. Ds3 can be quite unruly and in your face. Ds1 and ds2 both sensible, can cook and clean.
ds3 not so much.
so the options are ds3 stays with his uncle and ds1 and 2 at home. Or all at home?
I think ds1 and 2 shouldn’t have to babysit their brother.
ds3 doesn’t want to come on holiday with us as he finds it boring as youngest child has complex needs.

DS1 and DS2 are adults so surely they can tell you if they want to look after him or not?

I think DS3 is unreasonable that this is a problem - he is 15! Unless he has other issues? Personally I would be having a chat with the three of them (and the uncle) to see what they are all happy to do. If DS3 wants to stay at home with siblings then he has to behave and if he doesn't then uncle could be the back up plan.

I think you are both being unreasonable in allowing DS3 to be unruly and in your face, unless there's other issues.

I think ds1 and 2 shouldn’t have to babysit their brother.

Have you asked them? They might be quite happy to. At 15 he shouldn't need too much looking after anyway. It's just a week. And it won't be schooltime, so they won't need to worry about getting him up or any of the term-time hard work.

If the 15yo can't be trusted to behave for his brothers then he needs to stay elsewhere.

It's not fair to expect the older ones to discipline their sibling.

However I would be telling the 15yo he's got no choice and has to come on the holiday.

It may be more of a holiday for the 15yo to stay home given he has a younger sibling with complex needs. And forcing him to go when he doesn't want to and there is a viable alternative could just ruin the break for everyone.

Well, if he can't be trusted to behave at home then I wouldn't be giving him a choice.

Staying at home with your older siblings is (imo) a privilege that you earn with good behaviour, not something that automatically happens because of your age or because you don't want to go on holiday.

I'd pay older 2 DS for looking after younger DC by leaving them money for a couple of takeaways for them all and a cinema trip.