To expect my husband to support me

[Nexusq]

Long story short: my family (parents) have had a falling out with a relative.

My husband and his family know this relative through me and due to the ongoing dispute i asked my in laws to not attend an event this relative was co-organising.

However, this relative has now apologised for their behaviour and is intent on rebuilding bridges.

They have invited me & my husband to lunch. I want to attend but my husband is refusing to go with me on the basis I previously asked him & my in laws to avoid all contact.

I seriously don’t see what the issue is as we are trying to repair a relationship. However, my husband has accused me of playing childish games and involving his parents.

I tried to bring this up again tonight and accused’s me of treating him like a dog, expecting him to jump through hoops.

Am I being unreasonable?

Team DH here. What right did you have to ask his family to not attend something? More fool them for listening and not fucking you off at that point.

Taking bets on whether the OP replies since she definitely hasn't had any support here :)

However, my husband has accused me of playing childish games and involving his parents.

Well he's right isn't he.

Yes, YABVU.

And you had absolutely no right to ask your in laws not to attend the relative's event. Childish and ridiculous to involve them.

You demanded your husband's family stop contact with someone they are friends with in their own right (all be it they met through you)
Because your parents had a 'falling out' with this person?

No that is not reasonable. His parents social lives are none of your business. They adhered to your petty demands once and don't want to risk it again. Say next week they offended your parents once more and they were told again by you- no more contact?

You need to grow up. Meet your relative and be friends with them. Everyone else will and should do what they like.

You're not only unreasonable, you're completely ridiculous.

my husband has accused me of playing childish games and involving his parents

Smart man. Too bad he listened to you the first time around. Stop being so silly.

Probably too busy telling all her in-laws they aren't allowed to use MN any more

Yes, OP, you are being ridiculous

Is this about the cousin in India again?

Why did you tell your in laws they weren't to go to event?

You shouldn’t have asked other people to get involved and make a clear stand by not attending the event. Now you have made their relationship with your family member awkward.

You need to rebuild this bridge on your own and let the relative know you were hurt and asked DH and PIL to stay away from the event.

DH is probably embarrassed by all this so if you want to rebuild their relationships, you need to clear the path for them.

Your husband is right; childish games belong in the playground.

Why on earth did you involve your in-laws?

Unless there was abuse involved I can't understand why you would do this.

Fuck me you're so out of line.

Can't believe you'd even ask that of your in laws and absolutely shocked your husband or them went along with it

If your husband sees any sense he will file for divorce.

Don't be ridiculous!

OP, you're mightily unreasonable. Go to the lunch on your own and take things from there.

YABU for involving yourself, your husband and your PIL in your parents’ squabbles.

I can see why your husband is fed up, he’s not your puppet.

If it was him doing it to her everyone would be saying LTB hes abusive.
What makes her any different.