My DS is 5 months old, my parents (Mum especially) have been amazing support for me, and we go and stay with them once a week for a bit of company and a break.
I love my Dad, and he clearly adores DS. But last year he had a stroke, irritatingly the hospital really cocked up and sent him home, so he never received treatment, in fact we only found out he suffered a stroke quite recently during a scan for something else. The damage is to the part of the brain that controls coordination and movement. You wouldn’t know anything was wrong if you met him, but Mum’s noticed stuff (and not told me, presumably so I wouldn’t worry).
I asked about it and he just said he’s clumsy, Mum said he stumbles a bit sometimes. But recently something happened that made me realise the reality is much worse than what they both say.
He was carrying the baby in the car seat into my house, I have a large step outside the door (2 paving slabs wide and about 7 inches tall), I was about a minute behind him as I was getting the pram out the boot. I was walking up to the gate when I suddenly heard a huge slamming sound followed by the baby crying hysterically. I dumped the pram on the ground, opened the gate and saw Dad on the floor in the doorway and the car seat next to him (right way up luckily). I asked what happened and he said he tripped on the step (I figured he either slipped or didn’t lift his leg high enough or something).
He tried to stand up but I told him to stay there while I got the baby inside (car seat was blocking the door, so highly likely he’d instantly trip over it again), went back out and had to pick him off the floor as he couldn’t stand himself.
He’s cut his hand, had a nasty graze on his shin and bruised his side, DS was fine luckily.
Now here’s where I’m getting concerned about the future…
After he left I reviewed the Ring cameras footage, outside doorbell didn’t capture much except sound, but we have a second camera in the hall (keeps an eye on the pets when we’re out) and that got a good view of what happened from the inside.
It looked like he walked up to the door at a brisk pace, and didn’t even attempt to lift his leg for the step, as if it wasn’t there entirely. Bearing in mind he walks over this step every week, and it’s massive, 2 paving slabs wide, so impossible to miss. It was like he was actually blind.
It gets worse, as he fell he made no effort with his hands. He neither put out a hand to protect himself, or use the other to keep hold of the car seat (it actually landed on its side, he just corrected it after he’d fallen before I got there), and he seemed to just lay there in shock until I arrived and helped him.
Not only did his brain fail to tell him about the step, it also failed to engage his reflexes as he fell.
So now I’m incredibly worried, if he’d been holding the baby (no car seat) the likelihood of a fatal accident or brain damage for the baby was very high, and the reason he bruised his side is because he partially landed on the car seat handle and that stopped his fall from being any worse, without the seat he likely would have hit his own head on the concrete which could very well have caused him brain damage or worse given his previous stroke.
So now I’m in a dilemma. I’ve kitted out my house as much as I can with extra safety features (hazard tape on all steps, extra hand rail, extra light etc). I’ve also stopped Dad from carrying the car seat, but really I’m nervous about him holding the baby at all (except when sitting).
I have no doubt he’d be very hurt, as it means he can no longer burp him, change or bathe him, soothe him (he’s comforted by movement) or show him things (Dad enjoys carrying him around the garden), and definitely not carrying him up or down the stairs which means on the days him and Mum have DS Dad is now pretty much unable to help out at all (beyond having him on the sofa) which is horrible for him and puts a lot of pressure on Mum.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or just trying to protect them both.