How do you know if you've got an issue with booze

[rottentomato2]

I know booze is a funny subject on MN.
I'm not here for judgement just discussion.
I like drinking but I don't think I'm dependent. It's just something I enjoy like I enjoy eating biscuits - also not particularly good for me.
I know I've overdone it this week. Three bottles of wine plus quite a few G&Ts over the course of a week. Is this bad?
I don't drink this much often but I do have designated drinking nights that I look forward to because I know it enables me to relax and gives me a nice feeling.
When does enjoying something become an issue?

I’m not sure but I don’t think you’ll get a representative answer here. Every other person seems to either not drink or drink 2-3 times a year. Recently I drink (at home too which always feels worse) 2-3 times a week so don’t know where that sits. Feels a lot less than friends that still go ‘out’ but also feels quite frequent just in front of the telly?

I think as soon as you're asking that question, it's an "issue". Doesn't mean you're an alcoholic but it does - IMO - mean you don't have a neutral relationship with alcohol (or biscuits!)

Most people on Mumsnet drink too much.

If you're asking yourself if you've got a problem, chances are you've got a problem.

I think when you ask the question and plan your life around it e.g. designated drinking days to look forward to, eating cheaper food to pay for booze, poor sleep or feeling groggy, not making Saturday plans because Friday is for drinking at home every week etc.

It depends on age and stage of life as well. As an early 20 something I would regularly drink the equivalent of a 1 litre bottle of vodka a fortnight, probably more, as i was drinking every weekend night (but rarely in the week). When my life changed so did my drinking habits. It wasn't painful, just natural.

I don't have a drinking routine. Sometimes I'll drink 2 or 3 times a week/1 or 2 drinks a night, other times I'll go months without it. I go on what I fancy.

Oh amd I don't drink to relax or because I like the buzz, I do it because I like the drink itself. I'd probably prefer alcohol free tbh but there's no equivalent for what I like to drink. I don't order wine with a meal for example.

Maybe ask yourself how you would feel if you couldn’t have it any more. Your answer should give you an idea of whether your relationship with alcohol is unhealthy or not.

It’s not an issue until it becomes an issue- either when you become dependent or when in later years you face health problems due to regular alcohol consumption ( family friends in their 60’s both told by HCP to stop/seriously reduce drinking).

A few people I know have increased their alcohol intake during lockdown- sadly one of them died due to organ failure.

I recently stopped drinking at home apart from special occasions, because I realised I was craving alcohol as soon as the kids were in bed and struggling to have a night off. I didn’t often exceed the recommended units per week, but I knew it was becoming as issue because of how I felt about it and how I approached it, and I think that’s a slippery slope. My dad died of alcohol-related disease and I began drinking significantly more after that.

I think as soon as anyone has to ask themselves that question, it's a good indication that somethings not right.... or although it may be ok now, it probably won't be in a few years if they don't do anything about it

I think as soon as you are regularly thinking about the next day you "can have" an alcoholic drink and that days without alcohol are missing something.

My parents were/are (one dead) alcoholics and I had a bit of an alcohol problem myself from probably my mid-20s to early 30s. Alcohol was a regular feature in my thoughts; I used to look forward to events where alcohol was involved, not for the events themselves necessarily, but because of the opportunity to drink. I used to plan what I was going to eat when drinking, I used to look forward to the next night I 'allowed' myself to drink and felt that my alcohol-free nights were very flat in comparison.

For the past 10 years, I average maybe 1-2 occasions throughout the year when I have 1-3 drinks. Alcohol now just does not feature in my thoughts at all. It is so freeing.

I think it sounds fine and pretty normal to me. I have designated drinking days (Fri and Sat) and yes I do look forward to them. I eat very healthily in the week but let my guard down a bit at weekends - I look forward to that too!!

How do you remove the desire for alcohol when it's something you actively enjoy? I've always failed at dieting and it's the same with booze. I can go without it but life just feels flatter somehow.

@rottentomato2 Alcohol will be performing some kind of function or role in your life and you need to understand what that is and why e.g. it is a time when you get to prioritise yourself (you have too many demands on your time/find it hard to set boundaries), or; it numbs your feelings (you get overwhelmed with thoughts or feelings and need to switch them off) etc... My view is you need to understand these root reasons and tackle them .

I have a problem with social media and my phone. I know I use it to numb (there are lots of reasons I need to numb). Sometimes I still use my phone a lot to numb but I can also do other things that are healthier because I am aware of why I'm doing it. Go for a run, seek connection, do something for someone else etc (Mind charity is great for tips on wellbeing).

There are lots of books and podcasts specifically to support giving up or managing alcohol consumption these days or talking therapy if you can afford it.

Best of luck

I haven’t had an alcoholic drink in 6 years because I’m an alcoholic and was on a slippery slope to ruining my life. However for most of my drinking life I had a lot of fun with alcohol.

Giving up is hard to begin with but the longer you go without the less you miss it I have found and now I rarely think of it at all. I don’t find my life flat at all, I still have a lot of fun during meals and on nights out with friends but it’s great to be able to drive and to know you’ll wake up feeling good the next morning.

I think if you’re asking the question or putting rules in place about your drinking (only at weekends/never at home) then you probably have an issue with alcohol. People who drink normally don’t need to do this, I never needed this when I was drinking normally in my twenties and that was when my relationship was not problematic.

I like a glass of wine in the evenings but we are quite strict on which nights we drink. I find I need something to look forward to after the kids are in bed and sometimes that’s a glass of wine and sometimes it’s a cup of tea and something nice to go with it. I’m not a huge lover of sweets and treats so the pull of an ice cold beer or glass of red with crisps is usually stronger but I find limiting the nights we drink means we enjoy it more - and we rarely drink a full bottle between us. Any more and I’d be ill!

I used to drink a daft amount when I was younger. I did not get hangovers back then but these days it takes ages for me to properly get over a big night. I love a glass of wine but do not drink during the week. I also reduced my time with certain people in my social circles who still drink like fish. I just can't stand feeling rubbish, feeling depressed and wasting half my day due to over doing it the night before.

There are quizzes you can take with various alcohol support services - this one came up for me on Google and seems balanced:

alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/interactive-tools/check-your-drinking

I drank loads from the ages of 14-24ish. Then I just realised it wasn’t worth feeling ill for a day/two days over and also find the way I act even after one or two drinks to be quite cringe-inducing.

So I’m afraid I’m one of the famous Mumsnet “glass of champagne at a wedding” drinkers. Not tee total but 99.9% of the time I’d rather not drink.

…unless a good margarita is on offer ☺️

I realised a little while ago I have an issue with alcohol, but it’s since hitting thirty (and embarrassing myself deeply, and losing a couple of mates in the process, at an event last summer) that’s really given me the kick to do something about it. I don’t generally drink much at home, it’s when I’m out that’s the issue. I have no off switch, I cannot recognise when I need to just stop.. so I get wasted and act the fool and, sometimes, people need to look after me/get me home/whatever. I’m far too old to still be acting this way, I should’ve stopped long ago, and I can’t bear to have any more occasions where I ruin it by acting so badly and hating myself afterwards. The first time I got properly drunk I was only 12 or 13, so old habits die hard.. but I’m determined now.

I downloaded a drink tracker app years ago and tracked my intake for a month and to be honest I was horrified by how much I was drinking and how much I was in denial about this fact.

I would suggest looking at the guidelines which I would think are below three bottles and g&TS. You speak of set days, what happens if you don't drink those days, does it impact your mood?

The reality is a lot of people have dysfunctional relationship with alcohol but when queried the peers start with I drink 700 pints and am fine. Or I drank from age ten and am fine.

There is clear verified research detailing the issues linked to alcohol. Look into the information. Explore not drinking for a period of time and note the difference in your life.

The extra biscuits are unlikely to directly impact your liver, increase your risk of certain cancers, etc.

I think I'm definitely a habitual drinker. There's a 7-8pm slot when the kids have just gone to bed that I usually yearn for a drink. If I can get past that hour I'm not usually bothered. But I do really really enjoy sitting down with a drink and just enjoying that buzz. Sometimes I'll leave it at one drink, other times I fancy more. I don't drink enough to be hungover but I do feel a bit tired and groggy if I've had more than one.
I used to be a binge drinker in my youth - drinking a lot on nights out but rarely at home. Now I don't really go out and have become a more frequent, low level drinker at home.
I think for me it's about not thinking about it. Being a take it or leave it drinker. Having one if I fancy it but not actively thinking about it or planning for it. Which I admit is what I have been doing over the past year or so. Probably down to boredom and stress of a mundane lifestyle with kids.

I think it's when you make plans around it or it stops you doing other things.

I don't drink anymore but when I did I used to avoid going to places I had to drive to because I wouldn't be able to have a drink and wouldn't book a Sunday morning yoga class even though it was my favourite teacher for example.

Stop buying it. Break the habit- instead of sitting down to drink and snack in the evening find something new to do that you’d enjoy.
It’s similar to stopping smoking- cold turkey is the way to go (unless you’ve already reached the stage to have DT then you need to have medically managed withdrawal)

I think if you're questioning it, it suggests there is an issue. That's an awful lot of booze in one week.