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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

10 year old home alone?

26 replies

Alwaysblindsided · 26/05/2024 21:57

My friend has just casually informed me she is planing to leave her 10 and a half year old (year 5) home alone for two days this half term….
Am I being unreasonable to be concerned about this? She is sensible but still, only 10. She does have a phone and her mum works quite locally.
I tried to hide my shock, I offered to have her at mine on the day I’m off this week even though my children are much younger and they don’t know each other very well. She said she’d let me know.
I’m really concerned but should I be??

OP posts:

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 26/05/2024 21:58

Wow no thats too long

loropianalover · 26/05/2024 22:00

Initially I thought you meant mum was going away, but she’s working nearby?

It wouldn’t suit some 10 year olds but I did it now and then (with a younger brother) and was fine. We had a house phone, the television, cereal and our cat. The days flew by.

Youdontevengohere · 26/05/2024 22:03

My same aged DD is really sensible but she’d absolutely hate this, she’d be bored and lonely. I think it’s too long at that age. But she knows her daughter best, I guess.

GeckoFeet · 26/05/2024 22:08

I think half a day would be fine at that age but a full day followed by another full day is too much.

I don't think there's much more you can do. Be careful about offering her to come to yours as you might end up being her go to for free childcare.

Maybe you have made her rethink it by your reaction... so that's why she's saying she will let you know.

Reugny · 26/05/2024 22:10

If she's leaving her alone for 2 days she's already left her alone for most of a day without mishap.

Yeah you are right to be concerned but apart from offering to have her at yours there isn't anything you can do that wouldn't cause them both problems.

Back in the 20th century I was home alone at half term at that age on my own. I watched telly and read. With the bigger holidays in Easter and Summer I would go to the play scheme or hang out with friends. And yes kids in my area did get run over.

Original poster

Alwaysblindsided · 26/05/2024 22:18

Thank you for your responses, my children are only little, but I just can’t imagine leaving them for over 8 hours at 10!

OP posts:

TimeForBedSaidZebadee · 26/05/2024 22:19

At that age I was being left home in charge of 3 siblings age 8, 6 and 4 while my single mum went to work. It was pretty common back then and there was no phone either. SS would have had a field day with us 😀 but we all lived to tell the tale.
My daughter occasionally leaves my 11 year old granddaughter at home while she works. I think it depends on the child granddaughter is very independent, can cook, would not do anything daft and has a phone to call someone who could be with her in minutes if needed.

MyDogsPaws · 26/05/2024 22:21

My dd 9 has to come home from school alone for an hour and I absolutely hate it. I know how hard it is to get childcare though and I’m guessing she wouldn’t be doing it if she had another option!

QueenCamilla · 26/05/2024 22:22

I have a 10 year old and I would leave him alone at home whilst I'm at work.
As it stands, I don't need to but I don't see any issue with it.

At 10 I was alone getting up in the mornings and going to school, I was alone after school, sometimes alone for dinner (I had food left for me to reheat) and sometimes alone at night. My mum worked shifts to make ends meet and such was life.

Jeannie88 · 26/05/2024 22:23

A no from me! Too young, no matter how mature they may be. If anything happened, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself, so not worth it. X

Alwaysgothiccups · 26/05/2024 22:24

Do you mean overnight? If so that's definitely not OK in my book..
For two daytimes... I wouldn't think it was great but if the 10yo is sensible and it's for work and can't be helped then I guess.. can she not have a neighbour or friend drop round to check on her every so often?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2024 22:25

Not really. It's fine. She has a Phone, mum is local.

I guess it depends what she thinks her dd might do. If her dd is in to reading or crafts, she'll probably happily do that all day. I think I might pop home at lunch time if I could if I was the mum. But it's fine.

Superstar22 · 26/05/2024 22:27

It’s not ideal, but I do think it’s fine.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 26/05/2024 22:28

That would be a no from me. My ds is an autumn birthday, so last summer holidays he was nearly 11 - I'd leave him for 30-45 minutes. He'll be in secondary after this years summer hols, so we've been building up to 90 mins - 2 hours alone at the moment, which is in line with what other school mum friends are doing. 8 hours even with a phone is just too long

Beezknees · 26/05/2024 22:30

Too young for a whole day alone I think. I hate when people say "we used to do it as kids" times change, it wasn't appropriate then and it isn't appropriate now.

QueenCamilla · 26/05/2024 22:32

Jeannie88 · 26/05/2024 22:23

A no from me! Too young, no matter how mature they may be. If anything happened, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself, so not worth it. X

Happened what?
It would be safer to leave my 10yo at home by himself now (he'd game for 10 hours straight and raid the snacks cupboard) than it would be to leave him alone at 16 (drugs, vaping, smoking, sex, drinking, heading out no one knows where, bringing round no one knows who).

QueenCamilla · 26/05/2024 22:34

Beezknees · 26/05/2024 22:30

Too young for a whole day alone I think. I hate when people say "we used to do it as kids" times change, it wasn't appropriate then and it isn't appropriate now.

Wasn't appropriate why and how?

AmelieTaylor · 26/05/2024 22:38

its her decision, she knows her DD & if she thinks it's fine, it's fine.

I'm assuming if the DD isn't happy she'd be letting her Mum know, loudly.

Kids are wrapped up in too much cotton wool & treat like babies- they're much
more able than so many parents give them credit for.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 26/05/2024 22:40

DS is y6 and I'd leave him if I needed to now. He has time in the house if he chooses not to come to the park or similar when I take his little brother so I'd be happy with him in the house if I needed to work. I work term time so it doesn't crop up - would only be a random inset day. I'd leave him lunch, he knows where the snack are, he has access to a key to let himself in after school if I'm not quite back and he has a phone and knows the neighbours.

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/05/2024 22:40

Hasn't the girl got any friends her own age to spend the day with? That's what I used to do on the odd day during school holidays.

Copperoliverbear · 26/05/2024 23:44

Too long, also think it illegal to leave them in charge of another minor.

BeMoreEfficient · 26/05/2024 23:53

I think it’s okay as long as the mother could get home pretty sharpish if, say, there was a persistent knock at the door. (I would insist DC does not open the door to anyone.)
All doors locked but an escape route discussed in case of fire. (But I wouldn’t say fire, in order not to scare the child.)

It will be a bit miserable but honestly, if they chat throughout the day and the mum comes home at lunchtime, it should be safe.

If she does want to come to your house, don’t count it as a favour because actually you’re imposing your views onto them.

maw1681 · 26/05/2024 23:58

I think it's a bit young, I have a 9year old in yr 4 and I wouldn't leave her alone all day, my eldest is 13 and I would leave her for a day if I was working, but wouldn't leave her in charge of the younger one all day. Maybe in a year or two! Longest I've left them is about 15 minutes while I've taken the dog out for a walk

eurovisionfan · 27/05/2024 00:03

Extreme situ but it's things like if there was a fire etc You wouldn't be allowed in by fire services when you get back that would put me off the thought of a fire

Sunnytwobridges · 27/05/2024 00:11

I was left at home all day at that age. I wasn’t the type to get into anything and I never got bored, I actually loved it. I would read, watch tv, play.

my sister couldn’t be left alone, she was a scary kid and she got into stuff because she would get bored in 5 mins and would end up outside getting into who knows what. I think it really depends on the kid.

i will also add that I left my DD home at that age and she was fine.

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