To feel left out? Any advice?

[ncob]

Feel ridiculous posting this almost like I'm a child in the playground.

Background: Some years ago, I interned with a great bunch of people. Life/work was intense but we all got on great. We spent a lot of time together at work, of which I have fond memories, but at weekends I'd mostly leave to visit my boyfriend (now DH) and the others often hung out/ did fun things in London.. which I'd also go to when around.

I've got them on social media but naturally have stayed more in touch with some than others. We've now all left the city and I know they've met up over the years- i'd either see it on SM or hear from someone. I remember feeling left out back then but accepted thats just life and tried not to think about it much (thankfully have other lovely friends & DH). It particularly gets to me though seeing photos from events like weddings that I've not been invited to (I appreciate this is irrational and of course people can invite whoever they like). I would still like/comment/wish them well. Truly a really nice group, I just felt on the edge of it.

This weekend they'd come for the bank hol weekend to my town (not to visit me, but a mutual friend) but while here one of them reached out to see if I was around. I was, I went and had the loveliest time but have returned feeling just so left out. I asked what their plan was for the rest of the day/weekend and made some suggestions for the area but got the impression I couldn't stick around, I was just a tiny part of the plan (as one of them wanted to meet me). I would have like to have stayed but didn't want to overstay my welcome.

I said it was great to meet up, we should do it again and to enjoy their weekend etc. There's nothing else I could have said/done is there? I know I was very much an after thought. Apart from 1 in the group, I get the impression the rest are indifferent about me. I can't quite put my finger on it but have got back just feeling a bit low. I guess generally in life feelings are mutual - I tend to like people/friends who also like me back (and equally have drifted from others I am not so fussed on but again the feelings probably mutual). The fact this is unreciprocated hurts more than I expected and has reminded me of the feelings from years back when it was more fresh. Any advice?

I don't know the answer but I recognise the feeling.

I guess the way forward is to have nothing more to do with them, so you don't have to confront it.

Sad but this is what it can be like I don't have a huge circle of friends anymore cause of hassle

I guess because you mainly hung out with them at work and they moved on to hanging out together at weekends that you only occasionally came to, you stayed closer to a work colleague in their minds and the rest graduated to being closer. I get why it stings but if you put in less effort to build the friendship than others did, I can see why you feel on the periphery.

Thats not meant to sound hurtful, just giving a perspective on why the dynamic is how it is.

@TakeThePain I think thats what I did for years, especially through the pandemic.

@Trickabrick Yes I understand exactly how it happened. I recognised it at the time too all those years back- but I was there in the week and spent most of my time with them, we all got very close. I was also trying to maintain my then long distance relationship (which I have 0 regrets about, we've since got married which was without a doubt the best decision).

I suppose this is one of the most "fun" groups I've experienced, great dynamic and spent almost the entire time crying with laughter. It was very reminiscent of our shared history, just a really good time. I know they still meet up (albeit rarely as all scattered around the country) and I'd gladly travel to do so too but no idea how to initiate that.

Could you message the friend you are closest too and say you'd love to hang out with everyone more?