To not look after DSC

[useor]

Am I being unreasonable for saying it's too late and I'm not looking after DSC this week now?

I am off next week, DH is working. It is supposed to be his exes week with DSC (they split the holidays - this one was hers).

She said a few months ago she may need to work and if she did could we potentially have DSC? I was asked as I'm off this week with our DC. I said yes IF she let me know ASAP if it was needed so I could make plans, she said she would let me know in the next week or two.

I never heard anything else and neither did DH. Until yesterday.

She messaged to say she is working and can she still drop DSC off with me. I've said sorry too late now.

I have made plans with a friend to go to her caravan with our DC and she should have let me know sooner like we asked. Technically could take DSC but don't want to ask friend as she's never met them and might be a bit awkward due to space and age differences with all the children?

Ex now acting like we are preventing her from working after saying we'd have them.

Aibu for saying she should have let me know and it's too late now? She hasn't only just found out, she's only just bothered to tell me.

Not your circus and not your monkeys.

absolutely, without doubt NO.

Tell dh calmly to reply that she had agreed to let you know within two weeks of asking months ago. Unfortunately now your not in the position to have them.
Rinse and repeat

Yanbu. She should have got organised much sooner. You have plans now. I 'd leave her and your H to sort it out between themselves

(And I have children who have a step mother, no way would I expect her to cancel her holiday to cover for me)

Well done for having boundaries. I hope your husband is supportive of you. You had said you could make arrangements if told in a reasonable time frame. As you hadn't been you made alternative plans. The mum should have made arrangements in good time. To be blamed now for not providing childcare is appalling. She can use what other working parents have to - holiday clubs etc

Only thing I am wondering, from personal experience, is whether she did tell your DH months ago and it went in one ear and out the other...

I’ve been there and done this I used to bend over backwards for DH & his ex it got unbearable with last minute requests and all the “extra” that was being asked of me, after several years I’ve put my foot down now it was starting to cause me too much stress. You asked an easy request like you said to be let know ASAP to arrange plans and she decided not too, definitely not your problem op.

I'm not actually away the whole week, only Monday & Tues night so could probably do the back end of the week but just annoys me that she's left it so late (but typical for her).

Good for you for having boundaries and not rolling over and just doing it.

Unless you are actually her paid help then please don’t be a doormat!

Not your problem. Mum didn’t sort out childcare. That’s her problem, not yours or even DH’s.

Absolutely don’t give up your holiday break.
If you do, she’ll do it again and again.

Yanbu, honestly she is a CF. It is between her and their father. Enjoy your break.

If you're happy to have them later in the week do. But only if you want to. You are not there to make her life easier! Do feel for the kids though. Not their fault their mum hasn't seen it as a priority to organise their care. Just imagine the replies on here if Dad had done that.....

No I agree, I won't be.

Admittedly I didn't chase it up because I just knew she would do something like this. She's very flakey/last minute with everything. It doesn't surprise me AT ALL that she's left it until now or "thought she told us" (she didn't).

So she earns a week's wage while you provide free childcare? Fuck that.

No, she is saying she thought she told us/him but she hasn't. Nothing in my messages and DH has checked his as well.

Basically!!

Looking forward to a week with my DC anyway now so even less inclined to do so.

I am a step mum and I really really feel like you need to stand firm because your kids deserve more. There is no way I would drop everything to accommodate ( especially if I had already offered and no one could be arsed to commit)

you sound lovely and kind and considerate , I hope you and your kids have a lovely week .

Also being suggested that she collect them after work so it's just for the day time. But even so that's when I'd be out doing things with DC so hardly helps.

Stick to your guns OP and have a lovely week with your kids.

That would be really annoying having to hang around and arrange everything around her work hours.

It would still be a no from me.

Just say no. Perhaps she’ll actually use her words next time she wants a massive favour.

A lack of planning on her part doesn’t make an emergency on yours.

Nope, it’s tough. It’s Sunday before the school holidays!?

You're not unreasonable to say no at short notice. But I would have said 'if you want me to have them, I need to know by X date when she originally asked.

How did it go in the end OP?