Telling my mum that predatory behaviour isn’t ok

[SunnyCritic]

Went to pick up my granny pants from M&S yesterday. And there’s an old bloke. Very large in stature filming the whole area, like literally walking around filming the mannequins etc picking up pants to film etc etc. anyway, it looked awfully dodgy and my mums quite large and argumentative normally. He then looked to be moving th Camera near me can’t be fully sure though. So I said to my mum don’t you think you should maybe say something or I will. She said no don’t he’s clearly a creep, just don’t instigate anything people are crazy now days. So I said fine.

But I’ve been thinking about it since and I actually think my mum should have said something at least. I’m 28 so I can stand up for myself but I’m only 4’11 so no one really listens. Aibu to say she could have at least said “stop filming this area it’s weird”

She later said “well what he’s doing isn’t my business unless he’s saying something or bringing the camera right next to me or you. What can I say”

am I being unreasonable here

Why on earth would you do expect your mum to do anything? Just tell a staff member, I’m sure tiny you could have managed that

You are both not being unreasonable, to be honest. It's clear that neither of you felt comfortable confronting him. Why on earth should women constantly put themselves in these positions to defend themselves from predatory men? It's exhausting. He was the one in the wrong, and I'm surprised he wasn't challenged by the staff.

I’m 28 so I can stand up for myself do it then. I think you need to learn to not rely on your mum.

That’s what staff and security are for.

Why didn't YOU say anything?!

I think you’re being unreasonable - you’re an adult, size isn’t really relevant here - you didn’t feel comfortable telling the man to move on, why would you expect your mum to?

You could have gone to a member of staff to report his definitely odd behaviour, or called loudly from a safe distance for him to stop filming.
I appreciate neither of you felt comfortable and therefore took the sensible option of moving on.

If you were uncomfortable you should have alerted a member of staff. Why are you delegating the responsibility to your Mum?

Napoleon was also small and all of Europe listened to him 🤷‍♀️

If you felt threatened you should have stood up for yourself and not ask your mummy to do it for you, assuming you are indeed an adult? Your mother was also right, if he was a weirdo he could very well have turned violent. Neither of you as women would be able to repel a man.

Personally I would have informed a member of staff or security. How you can justify putting this on your mum because she's bigger than you is beyond me.

I think it's weird to expect your mum to deal with that when you're 28. You could have alerted a member of staff if you didn't want to confront him yourself.

This. Enuff said

Only on mumsnet!

It would not cross my mind to except my own mother to say something to a massive bloke in marks and Spencer's who I felt was behaving unusually.

You didn’t go to a staff member?!

You’re 28, not 8, if you felt something needed to be said directly to the man then you should have done that yourself. You’re very unreasonable to be annoyed at your mum for not saying anything to him when you also did not say anything, maybe you need to remind yourself that predatory behaviour is okay?

Your mum is absolutely right, people are crazy and with the amount of attacks you see in the news I absolutely wouldn’t have been approaching a random man behaving strangely. The alternative isn’t to do nothing though, which it seems you both did, I’d have gone to a member of staff and alerted them so that security could deal with that person.

Very unreasonable to be annoyed at your mum when it sounds like you didn’t say a peep to him either.

If there is a creep filming in the underwear section, the best thing to do is get the fuck away.

You are 28. You don’t need your mum to speak for you.

Your mum wasn't being unreasonable- she probably felt deeply threatened by him as well. The pair of you WERE unreasonable in not speaking to a member of staff or security about it.

Is your mum a WWF wrestler or something? Why was it up to her to tackle him? Wouldn’t the obvious and logical thing to do be to alert a member of staff and they, or security, could deal with him?

I dont understand what your height has to do with anything. I also don't know why you couldn't say something yourself or to a member of staff.

Not really. If they both felt too scared too that's not their fault

Grow up FFS
YABU because you are an adult and should be able to advocate for yourself and not expect Mummy to look after you.

You are ridiculous, being annoyed that your mum didn’t say anything when you wouldn’t either! You are 28 not 13.

Why would they be too scared to speak to a member of staff? Honestly, the mental contortions some people go to to excuse unreasonable behaviour...

Why didn't you just alert a staff member?
Walk away from the bloke filming, find staff member, say "Excuse me, there's a man behaving strangely in the women's underwear department, he's filming mannequins and underwear"