To post about just how much I HATE my Dog in response to the ' I HATE my Cats' thread ?

[WorzselMummage]

And to wish i'd not read about the masterbating Cat because i have just been reminded about my Dogs furious willy licking incident where he managed to pleasure hiself alover my kitchen floor and then walk around with 'it' hanging out for 3/4 of an hour. It was enormous, and vile, and i had to take DD upstairs for fear of disturbing the poor child.

He chews knicker gussets and eats the contents of nappies.

He pisses in all my plant pots and has killed my Fatsia.

Every where i got he is there following me around, getting under my feet and watching me.. i put him in the garden and he watches me though the door.. staring at me like a Dog posessed.

He will eat ANYTHING.

he is also called 'will you fuck off Dog' or 'Go and lay down Dog' and sometimes 'for Gods sake leave me alone Dog'

Rarely Hugo which is is actual name.

He's lovely really but so in your face.. why do they never learn !

The other day (night) I had a weirdy mumsnet dream where I was arguing with you SirDigby. It was something on the Pets Board about dogs and in my dream you were really a large shaggy dog, and my argument was that you couldn't possibly have an unbiased view on whatever we were discussing because you were a dog, and too close to the situation.

to say labs chew is an understatement.
our beloved lab puppy has chewed a hole in the wall (yup, he actually eats plaster), eaten all our skirting boards, dug up more plants than i care to remember - i thought it was foxes until i caught him carefully carrying a flowerpot in his teeth across the lawn - chewed off one side of ds's wooden shapesorter, dug several holes in the lawn, chewed an entire patch of carpet off the stairs, chewed all four corner protector things off the coffeetable designed to prevent ds injuring himself and then chewed the edge of the coffeetable (which was bloody antique inherited from my great aunt), destroyed several pairs of ovengloves and teatowels.
i have also paid a number of library fines relating to large canine teethmarks in the baby's library books, and a healthy vet's bill for large amounts of expensive xrays and tests after he ate all the magnets off the fridge. the next bill will be for a new seatbelt in the back of the car after he chewed through one of those.
when (if?) he ever grows up enough to stop chewing, we're going to have to redecorate the entire fecking house.
on the plus side he does NOT wear my knickers. and we do love him to bits. thankfully.

My much missed PatterdaleX Jack Russell Sally got hold of the trouser leg of the next door Chapel Pastor many years ago and shook it In her defence he had black shoes on (she got kicked by someone wearing them when she was a puppy) and he did frighten her, the same Pastor and his wife have become close family friends and they are leaving our parish this week after over 15 years. Bless him we still laugh about it now but at the time i was very

I hate my dog too! He is disgusting and badly behaved but he is soooo good with the kids and such a sap. He loves to chew toys, shoes, socks, underwear, nappies, anything really! He also steals food if he gets the chance and if someone comes to the house and makes a big fuss of him he wees Have put a pic of him on profile - he is a german shepherd/collie cross and so very sweet but destroys the place on a regular basis!

I don't have a dog of my own at the moment, but I work, as a cleaner, for plenty of people who do.

It's like painting the Forth Bridge, really.

Last week was interesting. My employer's black alsation was sat on the rug, licking her fanjo, when I noticed a bit of shit hanging out of her bum. I got some kitchen towel and gave it a wipe, as you do, and the upward motion divulged not a shit, but a Sainsbury's plastic bag, complete with sandwiches

She whimpered a bit, especially at the knotty end, but she was otherwise OK.

Oh no! that is the worst dog story I have heard!

I can't get that image out of my head...

Did you PULL it out, like James Herriot helping out a stuck calf?

Oh nooooooo...

gogsi our dog (a jrt) had a few bed-marking incidents when he was young, and these stopped completely when we neutered him.

It happened really quickly, No19! I wasn't expecting a plastic bag, naturally

My boss has builders in, and one of them had complained the day before that the dog had swiped his sandwiches. She'd ripped a hole in the bag, and taken out all the food .. bar one sandwich, which he didn't much feel like eating!

She'd obviously gone back later, and eaten the whole bag .. which still had the knot in the top

It flew out ... and it was all slimy. When I told my boss (and showed her the evidence), we literally ended up on the floor, in tears of laughter

Grossest of the gross! Sounds like you handled it with panache though fair play to you!

'Chews pants and eats' -- that sounds like the title of a book by Lynne Truss!