Confronted abusive parent, then told I was in the wrong

[WasIWrongToday]

This is what happened yesterday whilst I was out shopping and I'd like to know if I was the one in the wrong or not. I've been made to feel like I was.

Me and my 7 year old ds were shopping when a boy of the same age approached my ds. We were in a toy isle so they were both picking up toys and looking at them. To me it was a normal thing to be doing. Mum of other child marched over, grabbed his arm spitefully and said 'get your filthy hands off those toys'. Me and ds stood back in shock and the other little boy looked to the floor.
I felt so shocked and said he was only looking and that all kids like to test out the toys don't they?
The mum glared at me and took her boy away. I don't know if this was what I did wrong but I then followed the mum and her boy. She'd gone round a corner and was telling the boy not to dare embarrass her again. I went over to her and said that the way she's talking to her son is not right. He did nothing wrong and ds touches the toys all the time. She then marched off and a few minutes later I was approached by security who asked me to leave. Said I had been harassing customers. The mum was not in sight so I just left with ds as he was looking worried.

I want to go back ( without ds) and talk to the security about what happened. I couldn't do it with ds with me as I didn't want him hearing what I had to say.

So, do you think what I did was wrong or would you have done similar?

You weren't wrong. You were brave. You stood up for the child when the very person who should have his back didn't.

You did the right thing.

If you go back quickly, they might be able to find her on cctv. She is an abuser.

Maybe he did have filthy hands (had an icelolly before going in for example) and was told not to touch anything. That could be the only reasonable explanation.

But yeah, you stood up for a small child. I think that's fair enough.

You showed that child that what he feels deep down is true, that he is not wrong. You validated him. You alsonsheked that 'mother' that not everyone will just stand by and let her bully her own child. Well done you. I would hope if I ever saw something like this I would be as brave as you and stand up for the child.

On behalf of that little boy, thank you @WasIWrongToday . I never had the opportunity to thank any of the very few adults who intervened when I was a child.

He may now start to believe he isn’t evil, worthless, useless, and deserves his punishments - because another grown up has said different.

In my whole long life I have never forgotten the kindness of passing strangers.

Maybe he did have dirty hands and she had already told him not to touch anything.

Maybe on a prior occasion he had broken something and she had ended up paying for it so had already told him not to touch.

Unsure how you take someone by the arm "spitefully". Maybe she was at the end of her tether with him not following her instructions and was simply pulling him away from the toys.

Maybe you standing up for him was undermining instructions not to touch she has already given him.

Having already spoken up for him why did you then decide to seek her out again?

You simply don't know and neither do people on the Internet hearing just your side of the story.

I am sorry but a store wouldn't ask you to leave unless they saw for themselves that there was an issue

I'm sorry the people that should have cared for you the most hurt you so badly. Its true evil to treat a child that way.

Thank you all. It was impossible for me not to say anything. Think it related more as ds was the same age and I'd hate the thought of him being treated like that. It sickens me!
If anything I hope it stops the mum treating him like that in public, but god knows what happens behind closed doors.

Maybe it was a case of him literally having dirty hands, but the way she spoke it didn't seem that way.

I will always defend a child if I think they are being mistreated, and hope others can too.

I think you were absolutely right to stand up for her little boy.

However, I don’t think in that situation you can ever expect to get a good reaction from the parent. No parent, upon being told by a stranger in public that they’re a bad parent, is ever going to nod meekly and say “Yes, you’re right.” Of course she was always going to be angry and pissed off at having her parenting questioned, as she presumably she felt her actions were appropriate discipline.

That doesn’t mean you were wrong to say something. She behaved terribly, you were in the right, and her poor little boy will probably remember that you were brave enough to stand up for him. You did a good thing.

There is so much barely concealed cruelty from parents to their children these days. I've heard children abused by their mums in a Tesco express a while back and I cannot stand the thought of what is being said to children in their own homes. It's awful. I'm glad you said what you did, OP, the other woman obviously concocted that rubbish about you harassing her. Go you! You are a star, in my eyes.

@Spirallingdownwards the way she grabbed his arm was in a way almost twisting it back and it was very forceful. There was absolutely no need even if she was at the end of her tether.

Fair enough

@MrsGlennBulb I hope you have found some peace happiness now.

Would have done the same. I’ve gone and got car registration numbers and reported to police when I’ve seen mothers slapping their 2yo’s faces when they’re refusing too hot food that was hurting them - and the kid just look ground down rather than shocked. In your supermarket situation I would have explained what happened to security in front of my 7yo so he knew I wasn’t in the wrong and asked if security recommended ignoring child abuse. But I’m a children’s therapist so I know the language. You did good, OP. Your interaction will stay with the boy maybe forever and start him seeing that that’s not normal behaviour, which is massively protective. You’re a good role model for your boy!