I'll kick off.
Yesterday I ran into a friend who I hadn't seen for a long while. We went for a drink or two; it ended up being a bottle or two.
Each.
I came home and threw off my clothes, before getting in the shower. Then I went to bed. A while later I woke up feeling ill. Without turning on the light I vomited into the ensuite loo, and flushed. Then I saw something a flash of something black disappearing down the pan.
This worried me, so I picked up my clothes off the floor to find that my knickers were missing. I knew where they'd gone, and panicked. Then I crawled to where the switch is to my Saniflo loo and turned off the power. The door to this area is quite a squeeze for a big girl like me, so it took a bit of effort to get back out. In the process I woke up my airbnb guest who was asleep in the bedroom below. I tried to explain and apologise. She doesn't speak much English!
I've got hold of a plumber who deals with Saniflo macerators who is such a gent I call him the Saniflo king of Brighton. He's on holiday until Thursday which gives me time to think of some plausible story of how my knickers got flushed down the loo!